Don't You Remember?
by ineveryavenue
Summary: Spoilers for 3x14. What happens when Quinn gets into an accident and wakes up with no memory?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** The spoilers for tonight's episode (3x14), plus a post on tumblr (cooperbastian(.) tumblr(.) com/post/18004630528/) have made me write this.

I wasn't going for angst, (in fact this was supposed to be an one-shot) but here we are.

I'm sorry for any misspellings I may have committed and let me know if you want me to continue (or not.)

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but an annoying, yet cute, little dog that likes to bite me.

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><p>x<p>

''I'm not gonna stand around and watch you ruin your life by marrying Finn Hudson!'' I'm frustrated and it shows in my voice; but I just can't let her do this. I'm okay with never having her to call mine but I'm not okay with her destroying her future and giving up on her dreams.

''Why do you care if I marry him or not?'' she asks. She is holding my gaze and it seems like she is daring me to say something.

''Because we-'' my voice cracks and I take a second to put it together, ''we are friends and I care about you. I don't wanna see you making a mistake you are gonna regret it for the rest of your life.''

''But why do _you _care _so much_? It's my life Quinn, I can choose whoever I want to spend it with.''

I'm speechless for a moment. Trying to figure out what to say.

What the hell!

If I'm gonna lose her for good than why not say everything?

''Because I'm in love with you.''

I see Rachel gasp and she keeps staring at me. I can't read her so I decide to push forward.

''I'm in love with you Rachel. That's it. And I wasn't going to tell you till we were out of here. In my plan, we were going to talk every day; me in New Haven and you in New York, and then one day I would go meet you and take you out to dinner and tell you but-but now, you are marrying him! And I know I don't deserve you either, at least not yet. And I know I have a lot to explain but you have to make a decision now.'' I stop and take a deep breath, Rachel seems to be frozen on time and I just hope she is listening carefully.

''You can go through with this and marry him. Or you can run away and come find me.''

I turn around and walk away before she can answer me.

I walk through everyone already present to see the ''Hudson and Berry union'' and it's only when I reach my car that I let it go and the tears come streaming down my face.

X

The wedding is being held at the school's football field. It's a Saturday and the sun is shining bright, I'm staring at my reflection in the mirror. I need to put my white dress on and get ready if I want to go through with this.

But that is the question isn't it?

Do I want to marry Finn?

Or do I want to run?

I don't know how long I had been staring at myself when I hear footsteps behind me.

I turn around and deep down wish it is her.

But it isn't.

''Burt? What is it? Is Finn okay?''

''Yes he is fine Rachel. He is in the choir room with the rest of your friends and Mr. Schue. I told them that you would meet them there.''

''What? Why? That isn't on the schedule.'' He finally makes eye contact and I can sense something bad happened. ''What is it?''

The answer I get makes me wish I hadn't asked.

X

Mr. Schue is the first one to see me when I walk into the room; ''Rachel?''

Finn looks up at me and frowns, ''my mom just said you cancelled the wedding. Why?''

''It's Quinn. After-after we argued about an hour ago, she left and was in a car crash.'' I haven't been able to stop crying ever since Burt told me. I don't remember my exact words I just know I told him to cancel everything and take me to the hospital. He was now waiting for me outside while I give the news to my friends.

''She's at the hospital and- and they don't know if she is going to make it.''

They all look at me with shock expressions and Brittany starts to cry.

I start to walk away because I _need_ to see her, when a hand grabs my arm and turns me around.

''Where are you going Rach?" Finn asks me.

''To see her.'' I try to free myself from him but he doesn't let me.

''Why? Why do you need to cancel the wedding and leave?"

Unbelievable.

''You are kidding me.''

''No.''

''Finn let me go right now.''

''Not until you tell me why. We can get married and then-''

''Quinn may die Finn! Die! As in, pass away. As in never speak, move, breathe or laugh ever again! Are you really that ignorant to think I would continue with this after that?'' I scream at his face but he is still holding me tight. I low my voice and take a step forward, ''Now let me go or I swear to God you are gonna regret it.''

He is caught off guard by my treat and finally frees my arm. I don't wait another second before running.

X

I have been awake for a few minutes now. Or I think a few minutes have passed. Honestly my head is spinning and I have no idea what is happening. From head to toe; everything burns.

Every _beep_ the, what I assume it is a machine makes, sends a wave of pain through my skull.

The imagines from the accident are loud and clear in my head.

I was looking at my phone. But I can't remember why. I can't remember anything besides the accident really. Anything besides the noises while the truck hits me and sends my car meters away.

I open my eyes slowly while they adjust to the light. I hear someone breathing by my right side, and when I try to turn my head a noise comes out of my mouth and a new, excruciating wave of pain hits my neck.

''Shit.'' I curse.

The owner of the brown hair resting against my arm moves and soon big brown eyes are staring at me.

Who is this girl?

She says hi and I can't help but smile at her, her eyes are full with kindness and her voice must be what angels sound like.

''Hello.''

''Are-How are you feeling? The-the doctors didn't know if-if you were going to wake up. You have been sleeping for-for five days you know. I was starting to think you had left m-us.''

She seems to be done with her rambling and I find myself frowning because even tho she is adorable; what the hell?

''I'm sorry but- who are you?''

Her eyes widen ''You-you don't recognize me?''

''No. Should I?''

I start to search through my brain for any indication of who she is but-

Nothing.

Tears start to run down her face and I feel an urge to move forward and hug her. But I stop myself because- she is a stranger. Why would I feel these things about a stranger?

''I'm sorry. Please don't cry. I-I just really don't know who you are.''

''Its-it's okay. Do-do you want me to go get your mother? She is just outside."

My mother? She is here? Then why was she not inside while this girl was?

I decide to let it go for now, ''Yes, that would be great thank you.''

x

I close the door behind me and let myself fall down on my knees.

She doesn't remember me.

I see Judy kneeling down next to me, ''Rachel darling what happened?''

''She doesn't remember me.''

''What-She doesn't- She is awake?"

I see the surprised and the hope in her eyes, I don't know how but I manage to get the words out, ''Yes. And she wants you in there.''

My body is shaking and she helps me to stand up and leads me to the waiting room where Santana and Brittany are. They see me and jump to their feet making their way to me.

''Rachel, what-what happened?" the Latina says and I start to cry even harder.

She throws her arms around me; pulling me in for a hug.

I hear Judy explain to them what happened before kissing the side of my head and walking back to her daughter.

x

Several minutes later I'm in Brittany's arms while Santana goes to get me some water.

It amazes me how closer together this mess has brought us.

Sure, things were better and we called each other ''friends'' before but now, now it was different.

Somehow, we understood each other.

And I don't know what I would have done without them both.

Probably gone mad.

The Latina comes back into the room right when Judy and Dr. Lopez arrive.

I turn my head around so I can be facing them, ''So?''

Dr. Lopez gives me a sympathetic smile, ''She is doing incredibly well. No signs of internal bleeding or brain damage besides-''

''Memory loss.'' I finish for him.

''Yes. She seems to only remember her accident. But that's normal. And expected considering the trauma she had. We should be happy she is conscious and hasn't lost any motor functions.''

I nod because it's true. I should be happy she is awake and talking. And I _am_. But it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt that she doesn't remember who I am.

She doesn't remember she is in_ love_ with me.

And I never got the chance to say I love her back.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **So, who else is dead thanks to last night's episode? lol I don't think I have ever cried so much because of a ship in my life (and i watch doctor who and fringe ok?). Seriously, everytime a gif from one of those scenes shows up on my dash I start sobbing.

And the fun part is that we'll have 7 more weeks of this torture. YAY!

Anyways.

The hallway scene (what was Quinn's face during that hug I ask you? urgh) was so good that I decided to slip it in the story. Hope you don't mind :) I also apologize again for any mistakes; I wrote this today so I could update but now I need to study!

Thank you for the reviews and the favorite story/story alerts guys! I really appreciate them 3

Enjoy (:

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><p>It's Friday.<p>

The day we won Regionals. The day before the wedding. I'm leaving school and heading home when I hear a voice calling me;

''Hey.''

I turn around and find Quinn looking at me in a Cheerios uniform.

''How do I look?"'

You would think that seeing her in that clothing again would make me hesitate because of all the memories it brought.

But no. She looks happy and that's all I care about.

The whole scene plays out in front of me on mute as a sentence echoes in my mind;

''_You were singing it to Finn and only Finn right?''_

The same thing happens scene after scene, moment after moment, phase after phase.

''_Why not? I have been awful to you.''_

''_I'm not mad at you.''_

''_Congrats, looks like he really loves you.''_

''_You don't belong here Rachel.''_

''_At least you don't have to be terrified all the time.''_

''_Just wait.''_

''_Kind of.''_

''_If you really want to be happy, you're gonna have to say goodbye.''_

''_You can't change your past but you can let go and start your future.''_

''_I'm not gonna stand around and watch you ruin your life by marrying Finn Hudson.''_

''_I'm in love with you.''_

The last one plays over and over in my head and that's when I open my eyes.

I find myself in my own bed, sweating and shaking.

She was in love with me.

She didn't want me to marry Finn and still, she agreed to be there.

She wanted me to be happy above everything else. Above her own feelings.

But then it had become too much for her and she had nearly died.

How could I let this happen?

If only I had listened to her.

Or to myself really because deep down, I knew I was settling down for something that would make me miserable later.

If I had listened and cancelled the wedding a week earlier, or a day, or even an hour, this wouldn't have happened.

I try to keep the tears forming in my eyes from falling.

The doctors and the whole town were calling it a miracle.

And it was.

And I will be forever grateful to God or whoever; whatever protected Quinn in that moment.

But still, it was my personal hell.

Today is the 16th day since the accident. The 6th since she had come home and the day she would be returning to school.

According to my dads Judy had said Quinn was focused on Yale. She would try to get her memory back of course, but her priority was her studies.

Funny thing.

That my dads and her mother had become friends.

I guess a tragedy really does make you leave your differences at side and focus on the important things.

I sigh and look at the clock.

5:30am.

15 more minutes till my alarm goes off.

I really don't wanna go to school. I really don't want to see her but at the same time? I'm dying inside every minute that I don't listen to her voice.

Also, Finn will be there.

I've been avoiding him and we haven't really talked about anything.

He has been pushing me more these last few days though, and I decide that the best I can do is put an end to it all.

I can't be with him anymore.

The mere thought of him touching me and kissing me makes me sick.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath as the beeping sound begins and tells me is time to face my demons.

X

I see her walking towards her locker before first period.

She is in her Cheerios uniform – I guess that's what she will always be wearing again – and looks gorgeous as always.

I thank God I don't have any classes with her today and make my mission to avoid encountering her for the rest of the day.

Seeing her in a distance knowing she is not in danger anymore is enough for now.

I start to walk towards math class when I hear someone call my name from behind;

''Rachel! Can I talk to you?''

Finn.

I turn around and give him a small smile.

Now or never right?

''Yes Finn. We do need to talk.''

I enter an empty classroom and wait for him to follow.

When he does I clear my throat, ''Finn I'm sorry I haven't been- willing to talk to you in the past days-''

He interrupts me. Like he always does and it irritates me.

I roll my eyes but allow him to do it;

''It's okay Rach. I was just worried about you. You left me without knowing where we stand. Are we still getting hitched?''

Was he really that clueless?

''No Finn we are not.''

''Why? Do you want to wait till we are in New York or?''

''No. Finn. We are not getting married. Not now not ever.''

I see the look on his face, the hurt, and it makes me feel bad.

''I'm sorry okay? I just can't. We were making a huge, hurried mistake. We do that to each other Finn. We bring the worst of each other to surface. You can't even remember I'm vegan! And I on the other hand am always making you choose between football and our relationship. You shouldn't give up on your dream because of me just like I shouldn't let you drag me away from mine.''

''But-but you wanted to get married, you have always wanted me! It was always me for you, why do we need to break up? We can work Rachel I know we can."

He is gently, but strongly grabbing my hands now.

''You are my high school fantasy Finn. You were an idea I fell in love with. I love you, I do but I'm not in love with you.'' I look into his eyes and smile, ''can you understand that?''

''Yeah I think I do.''

''Good.''

I pull him in for a hug before kissing his cheek and walking away.

x

''Hi! I'm-I'm sorry but my schedule says I have– Glee club here now?'' I obverse as several heads turn to look at me, ''I don't wanna bother you guys but my doctor said it would be good if I kept my routine to-to see if things come back to me. Do-do you mind?''

''Of course not Quinn. Come on in please. I speak for everyone when I say that we are really really happy to have you here.''

''Mr. Schuester right?''

He looks at me with his mouth open for a second before shaking his head and giggling lightly, ''Yeah that's right.''

''Thank you.''

I make my way in and look at the students sitting on the choir room.

I see Santana and Brittany. They are in the Cheerios too and according to my mother, my best friends. And I like them. They have been at the house almost every day making me company and telling me things from my ''old life''.

I nod at them and look at their right to find Kurt, Mercedes, Sam and – Blaine? Yes I think that's his name, looking at me with smiles. They had gone visiting twice. The first had been extremely awkward after Kurt hugged me out of the blue.

They were really sweet.

A tall brunette gets up from his seat and offers me his hand, 'I-I'm sorry I didn't visit you yet. I just didn't know if I should. I'm Finn Hudson.''

Yes. Finn Hudson.

He wasn't ugly. And he had kind of a nice smile but something about him made me feel _angry_. I just couldn't put my finger on it.

''Yes I recognize you from the pictures. You are my ex correct?"

''Yeah I am.'' He says before nodding and walking awkwardly back to his seat.

I also see Tina, Mike, Rory, Artie, the girl named Sugar and Puck grinning at me.

Puck had also been my boyfriend.

We had a baby together.

Beth.

Seeing a picture of her had made me extremely emotional a few days ago and just thinking about it now makes my heart hurt.

I wonder if I have always felt this way.

''It's nice to meet, or, re-meet all of you. And I promise you won't even notice I am here.''

I hear someone say ''I doubt that'', under their breath before walking towards the seat in the back; and that's when I see her.

Her brown eyes stare into mine for a brief moment before turning to look away.

She intrigues me.

The way I haven't been able to take her out of my mind for the past 11 days intrigues me.

I take my seat and the curly haired guy starts to talk.

I don't listen.

I just watch them. Or better yet, her.

I'm watching her and I feel like a creep but who cares.

She is extremely quiet and that confuses me. It's not what was written in her card.

I sigh.

Santana had made me cards with a picture and information regarding pretty much everyone I ''knew'', and hers was the only one I had memorized.

_Rachel Barbra Berry:_

_Loud, can be selfish sometimes but has a good heart, best singer I have ever met (don't tell her I said that), going to New York to study musical teather in NYADA._

I also know she was supposed to marry Finn. And that my accident happened when I was driving – supposedly, because no one really knew – back to the ceremony.

I hear Mr. Schuester's voice again, ''Ok guys that's your assignment of the week.'' And I realize everyone is starting to move and gather their stuff together.

He gazes at me as I stand up, ''It's really nice having you back Quinn.''

Is he thinking I'm going to join his choral? Because I'm not. I think.

I stop in the middle of the room and give him a smile, ''Thank you for allowing me to stay.''

I don't know how it happens but suddenly everyone is around me, grinning and giving me quickly hugs.

The smile fades from my face when I see brown hair disappearing out of the door.

I say thanks and practically run out of the room.

Screw it if they don't understand, they will probably just think I hit my head too hard and am crazy now.

I know I'm being unfair but right now all I wanna do is talk to her.

She is already at the parking lot when I reach her, ''Hey could you stop walking so fast? I had a terrible accident a few days ago and shouldn't be running you know.''

She instantly stops and turns around.

X

Damn it.

I didn't know she would follow me and ruin my plan.

Doesn't she know nobody ruins Rachel Berry's plans?

Apparently not.

I see she is waiting for me to say something, ''Sorry'' I let out, ''didn't hear you behind me. Is everything okay?''

''Yeah.''

She is trying to catch her breath and I give her the time to do it.

She really shouldn't be making so much effort. Her stitches could burst open and she would be left bleeding in the middle of the parking lot because of me.

She would suffer because of me. Again.

The imagine crosses my mind and I feel sick.

''Why didn't you visit me?" the question takes me by surprised and by the look on her face she is surprised at her herself for saying the words. She doesn't take it back though.

''I-I just thought I had scared you enough by being at your bed side at the hospital.''

She laughs.

_She laughs_. And it's the most perfect sound in the universe.

''Yeah that was... strange.''

I frown.

Great.

Now she thinks I'm some weird girl obsessed with her.

Possibly true but so not the point.

She looks at me with curious eyes, ''Why were you tho? At my bed side?''

Shit. What do I say now?

Because you declared your love for me on the day of my wedding and then left me with tons of questions and tons of feelings? Because you got hit by a truck and almost died, making me cry more than I had ever cried in my life? Because I realized I couldn't live without you and when you woke up and I finally got the chance to say something; you didn't know who I was?

Yeah, better come up with something else.

But before I can she speaks again, ''Santana said we were-are friends, but have a complicated past.''

''Did-did she tell you why it was complicated?''

''No. She said I should ask you that.''

I swallow hard and make a note to hit the Latina next time I see her.

''Ok. I-I can tell you.''

Of course I will have to leave some key information out of the equation but I have to.

I can't tell her what she told me, can I?

No I can't.

''Do you wanna go out for coffee tomorrow? I-I can stop by your house and pick you up. There's a really nice place where-where we all go sometimes. We can talk there.''

''Yes sounds great! See you tomorrow!''

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><p><strong>AN:** Thoughts?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **So, apparently, I have a problem with the words through and though! I'm sorry and thank you for making me notice it! I corrected every typo I could find in the first chapters and will definitely pay more attention to it! (I blame my brazilian brain and lack of sleep lol)

Thank you so much for all the feedback! You are all amazing and I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

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><p>x<p>

I look at my clock and sigh.

11pm and nothing.

I used to sleep so well.

I used to go to bed at 10 and quickly fall into the world of dreams.

But not now.

She has changed it.

She has changed everything.

She has changed _me_, so much, and she has no idea.

I have come to realize that we have always been each other's constant.

Whenever big things were happening to one of us the other would be right there.

We always lowered our walls when we were alone, and it's like every moment, every glance, every touch, every word, and every gesture culminated to the moment Quinn stood in front of me and confessed her feelings.

And now, here we are.

She with no memory and me with all these questions I can't have the answers to.

When did she start loving me? When did she realize it? Before or after all the slushies and name calling? Before or after she slept with Puck? Before or after we became real friends?

God, I can't stop wondering and it's driving me crazy.

And I have to meet her tomorrow and actually spend time with her.

At the same time I'm excited about it I'm terrified.

Terrified of the questions she may ask me, of what she will want to know.

She is not my Quinn anymore.

Not that she was ever mine to begin with but she isn't the person I used to know.

God, I need to talk to someone before I explode.

I grab my phone and decide to call the only person besides me who knows everything.

I just hope she answers.

The phone rings three times before someone picks up but my ears are only met with noises and the sound of someone breathing.

''Santana, are you there?''

Her voice comes through the speaker, ''Wait a sec.''

''Where are you?''

The noises are gone, ''At Brittany's.''

''Oh God, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to bother you. I-I can talk to you tomorrow at school you don't have to-''

''Relax Berry, I was just in the living room watching a movie with her and her family, now what's up?''

''Back to calling me by my last name I see'' I tease.

''You know it's my thing. Now spill it out Rachel.''

She emphasizes my name and I smile for a second before remembering why I called her, ''I-I need to talk to someone. Not someone, you. Can you meet me?''

''Of course. I can be there in 20 minutes?''

I don't wanna take her away from her evening with Brittany but I really need her right now, ''I'll be waiting.''

x

''Do you want anything else?'' she asks as she hands me the blanket. It was extremely cold tonight and it had taken me nearly an hour to ask her for another one.

''No thanks mom,'' it was weird calling her that, ''I'm fine. Goodnight.''

''Goodnight Quinnie. Call for me if you need anything during the night ok?''

She tells me that every night, and every night I smile at her and nod as she walks towards her bedroom.

Don't get me wrong. She has been nothing but wonderful to me and I like her. It's just that after everything I have heard about our history it was hard not to judge.

I don't know.

I don't know anything.

I close the door and get my bed ready before sliding under my covers.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, falling asleep easily only to wake up one hour later sweating and almost having a heart attack.

Every night was the same; imagines of the accident would fill my mind and my screams of pain would echo causing me to wake up feeling terrified.

But tonight it was different.

There had been no screaming but there was _something else_.

I run my fingers through my hair and focus on my breathing.

I remember something else.

I remember how I was _feeling._

It had been a mixture of angry with hurt.

But I can't remember why.

I close my eyes and try to come back to that moment.

And I do.

I keep forcing my brain to work and take me to what cause those feelings.

I try and try and try but nothing.

Eventually I give up and lie back down.

I fall asleep just to wake up to the same thing over and over again.

x

I had told Santana about Quinn's confession the day after the crash. We were the only ones at the hospital in that moment while everybody else had gone home to shower, change, eat or whatever.

She said she already knew.

Quinn hadn't told her but she and Brittany knew all along. They just didn't want to push because well, Quinn was Quinn and she would probably freak out and walk away physically and emotionally.

It had made everything worse; that they had noticed and I hadn't.

But then it had turned out to be a blessing.

I had someone to talk to, since I couldn't talk directly to the source of my doubts.

The doorbell rings and I rush to answer it.

''Hi.'', I give her a quick hug before dragging her inside and upstairs, ''thank you so much for coming and I'm sorry again for keeping you away from Brittany I just really need to talk.''

''Don't you always?'' she says with a grin as I close my bedroom door, ''And relax, it's okay, Brittany even wanted to come with me but Lord Tubbington got himself stuck on the chimney – or something – so they were trying to save him.''

''That cat is weird.''

''Tell me about it.''

I climb into bed and sit leaning against the headboard, Santana does the same and turns her head so she can be facing me, ''So, what it is?"

I open and close my mouth three times before any sound comes outs, ''you know what's really-?''

I can't find the word.

And I'm Rachel Berry. I always know the word.

Santana gives me her best 'what?' look.

I sigh, ''Ironic I think would fit.''

She nods for me to continue.

''That I have always had a crush on her. I have always been drawn to her like metal and magnet you know? And at first I thought 'maybe she is attracted to me too, maybe we can be friends and then something more', I have two dads so being attracted to someone of the same sex was the same thing as being attracted to someone of the opposite. It didn't and it doesn't matter to me. But then-then the insults began, and for me it was impossible to keep thinking she could ever feel something _good_ for me because she thought I was ugly, weird, a freak or whatever. So I moved on. And to who? The person who did have her. I have never realized till a few days ago that the reason – at least at first – why I chase after Finn was her. It was because he was _next _to her.''

Santana is staring at her hands, chewing her lower lip and doesn't say anything, ''It may not make a lot of sense but it's the true.''

''No-no it does make sense. After everything she-we did to you it would be perfect acceptable that you felt that way. That you couldn't believe she thought you were beautiful, amazing or anything like that. And'' she stops and takes a deep breath before looking at me again, ''I'm sorry Rachel. I really am. For everything I ever did that hurt you.''

It takes me by surprised. That she is apologizing to me. I see the regret in her eyes and take her hand in mine, ''It's okay Santana. It's in the past. The only reason I'm bringing it up is that I have been analyzing everything over the past few weeks and the more I do, more questions appear in my mind.''

''Like what?''

''When she was bullying me, did she already feel something? If she did, why did she continue with it?''

''I may be wrong but I'' she stops as if reflecting on what she is about to say. After almost a minute she continues, ''I think she _started_ the teasing, name calling and torture _because_ she felt something.''

''What? That's messed up.''

''Maybe. But look at Karofsky; he only bullied Kurt because he was afraid and ashamed of himself and the way he was feeling.'' She stops and sighs, ''Look at me. I was a bitch to everyone around me because I couldn't deal with the fact I was in love with my best friend. And sophomore year Quinn? She only cared about one thing: her reputation. It was all about being the perfect daughter. And then, she got pregnant, hell broke loose on her and she changed. But she was a scared little girl, terrified of being herself and going for what she wanted.''

''Yes but-but you never hurt Brittany.''

''Maybe not physically and maybe not knowingly but I most certainly did Rachel.''

I raise my eyebrows and wait for her to elaborate.

''How do you think she felt every time I would say that I wasn't making out with her because I loved her? That I was only doing it because I needed warmth or whatever? Or how I would sleep with pretty much every guy in that school? Yes, she did it too but she never lied to me like I lied to her.''

''Well, I think deep down she always knew you loved her San, she was just waiting for you to catch up. She is Brittany after all. She is like physic or something.''

It makes her smile again and it eases the tension in the room, ''Yeah I guess you are right.''

''You should have noticed by now that I'm _always_ right.''

Santana rolls her eyes, ''Don't push it.''

It makes me chuckle but only for a second because when she speaks again she asks me something I have be avoiding to think about; ''What are you going to do now?''

''I don't know'' I answer honestly.

''Ok. Are you going to tell her what happened the day she had the accident?''

''No.''

''Are you going to help her like she asked?''

''Yes.''

I sigh and stare at the ceiling.

''Look Rachel, I know it's hard for you. It must be harder than it's for me.'' Her voice is soft and caring, it still surprises me that Santana Lopez cares about me, but then again, I have never believed she was a bad person. She just couldn't be herself before, ''and you need to be careful ok? You can end up getting hurt. She is not the Quinn we once knew. She is probably scared and feeling lost and if you really want to be there for her, that's amazing and I will support you but you need take of yourself too ok?''

''It's my fault San.''

''Rachel it's not-''

I interrupt her before she gets the chance to finish the sentence, ''Yes it is. Don't try to convince me otherwise. If I hadn't been so God damn stupid and stubborn she wouldn't have been in that car.''

''Rach listen to me; you had no idea where she was going. She dropped a bomb on you and just left.''

''Yes, but I could have stopped her!'' I take a deep breath to calm myself, ''I just couldn't move, I was in shock. At first I thought she was just making a really, really bad joke but then she said she had a plan. A plan Santana! She was planning to win me over once you were far away from here.''

She smiles sadly at me and puts her arms around my shoulders.

I feel the tears in my eyes and curse myself in my head.

Why couldn't I go one damn day without crying?

I rest my head on Santana and close my eyes.

''Now you know what you are going to do?''

''Yes, I need to do this. I can't walk away. I'm gonna be whatever she needs me to be.''

''So, you are going to, basically, shove your feelings away so you can be there for her?''

''Exactly.''

She had done it so many times for me.

It was my turn now.

''Thanks for coming. Especially since I took you away from Britt. It means a lot.''

I can't see but I have a feeling she is smiling, ''No problem.''

It's only at 2am, lying on my bed in the dark that I remember I forgot to hit her like I promised myself I would.

x

''Do you remember how-how you felt? During the accident?'' I can't help but ask; I haven't really spoken to her yet; only at the hospital and yesterday at the parking lot.

She is staring at her cup of coffee and lets out a small laugh, ''You sound like my therapist.''

''Sorry I-'' I feel incredibly stupid but this time she gives me a real smile.

''No, it's okay. But answering your question: yes I do. I still can't remember how I got there but I remember I was, angry and hurt. And not remembering the reason is really annoying.''

''Has anything besides that come back to you yet?''

She looks into my eyes.

I mean, really into my eyes and I feel completely vulnerable under her gaze so I focus on my tea.

She takes a deep breath before answering, ''Rachel I-I'm exhausted. I can't do it anymore. My head is a mess. Every single conversation I have is the same; 'Do you remember me?' 'Do you remember this?' 'Do you remember that?' 'You did this.' 'You were like that.' Everyone just keep asking me the same questions and shoving information down my throat and I-I get it, I do, but its driving me crazy so can you just-just talk? Talk like you have just met me, I know it'll be hard but can you try it?''

After a moment of hesitation I nod.

_Be whatever she needs._

''Yes I can, but you are gonna regret it you know.''

''Why?''

''Because once I start talking I never stop.''

''Good.''

x

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** The Pezberry scene was for you Jo. Hope you liked it (;

And now, about updates...

I don't know if I'll be able to do so more than once a week. My classes come back on Monday (I had this week off) and I really really need to study.

Besides that, on Wednesday I was at the hospital almost dying in pain. I have an infection so I'm having to take antibiotics and etc so I'm like, dead in my bed all day lol

Anyways, tell me what you think of this so far? Reviews make me happy so maybe it will make me write faster xD


	4. Chapter 4

It's amazing how easy it is to talk to Quinn.

Sometimes I even let myself forget about the accident for a few seconds because it feels so much like the old days.

But then I ask her if she likes something and she doesn't know and reality comes crashing me.

Her favorite color isn't red anymore.; it's white. And she doesn't like cheese; which was a plus for me.

Since that day we went out for coffee – five days ago – we have met up every day at her house. We talked a lot all the time but never about the past.

I helped her through all the albums she possessed and the songs on her computer. She deleted some of them because she didn't know ''how could her old self listen to something like that.'' We had marathons of F.R.I.E.N.S and Battlestar Galactica – which I managed to stay awake for and actually enjoyed – and watched some classics like Titanic, a Walk to Remember and some from my musical collection of course.

But today she has a notebook and pen in hand when I walk into her room. Her mom had let me in like always and I find her lying in her bed on her stomach, ''Hey.''

She looks up from the empty page in front of her and smiles at me, ''Hi!''

I walk over to her and sit by her side, ''So… what are you doing?'' I say pointing at it.

''Well, my therapist suggested, and I thought it was a good idea, to write everything down. The things my mom, Santana and everyone else has told me and the things you will tell me. I think it will be helpful.''

So she wants to actually talk today, ''Oh ok, sounds good.''

''Yeah, especially since I didn't keep a journal, diary or anything like that. It would have been nice to know what kinda of person I was and the things I was going through from my perspective.''

''Yes that may be true. But now, you have the chance to write things from other people's point of view, and soon it will come back to you and you will have the whole picture.''

''Will I?''

Which one of the things I said is she referring to? ''What?"

She looks defeated and stares at her hands blankly, ''Get my memories back. I'm starting to think that maybe I never will.''

''Quinn,'' I eye her gently and she turns her head to look at me, ''It's been only a mouth.'' I continue, ''you are just now starting to really heal. Give it time.''

She sighs, ''If you say so.''

I grin and roll my eyes playfully in hope to get a smile from her, ''I do say so! Now come on, tell you where to start!''

She holds back her laughter and frowns playfully, ''You really do love to talk hmm?"

I pout, ''I can't tell from your tone if that was meant as an insult or not and it worries me.'

X

''It was not.''

It really wasn't, I love her voice. For all I care she could talk for hours and I would gladly listen, hanging up on every word.

She smiles at me and raises her eyebrows as if saying 'Yeah right.'

I know what I wanna ask first. I just don't know if it is my place. She's been an amazing friend. I _call_ her my friend. And not only because it is what she used to be but becase it is how I feel about her.

I feel safe with her. I trust her.

''I-I wanted to ask you something but I didn't mean to intrude. You don't have to answer if you don't want to.''

''Ask away.''

''Why aren't you wearing your engagement ring? I mean, I know you didn't get marry because when you heard about my crash you went to the hospital but-but did you two break up for good?''

''It's okay, really. And yes we did. Breaking up was the right thing to do. We are not the same as we were two years ago. We changed. We changed each other, and for the worse. We are better off.''

I can't explain why but that information makes me_ relieved _and _happy,_ ''That's good. I mean, that you are okay with it.''

She grins at me and nods.

I clear my throat, ''What happened at the wedding day? What did we fight about?"

She looks at me as if she is choosing her words and I wish I could read her mind, ''Well, you weren't a fan of the idea and were trying to keep me from going through with it.''

Ok that was interesting. Why would I do that?

''Why?'' I ask her.

''Because you were being a good friend. You were trying to keep me from making a huge mistake.''

''Ok. And it _was_ a mistake, right?''

''Yes it was. I was losing my track. I wasn't focusing on my career and my dreams and was feeling miserable. But now I can go back to it. We are two months away from Nationals and three away from graduation, and I want to make the most of it and hopefully get into NYADA!''

''You will, don't worry.''

''How can you know that? You haven't even heard me singing yet.''

I can't. But I have a feeling this girl can do anything she wants.

It's just the way she is. She keeps you hanging on contagiously, she enters the room and you can't help but watch and be amazed.

''Well yes, I haven't, but I'm sure you are amazing. Which, by the way, leads me to the question; why haven't I? You are supposed to be the biggest start and diva and still, I have gone to three Glee club meetings and haven't seen you perform!''

She smirks, ''That's because I have been practicing alone at the auditorium.''

''That's unfair! I wanna hear it!''

''Don't worry, you will soon. Now! What you wanna know next?''

''Tell me,'' I stop and take a deep breath, I have been wondering about this for days now and tons of things have crossed my mind. None of them seemed right tho, ''why is our past complicated?"

''Ok… you are gonna write what I say or? Cause you haven't written anything yet.''

''I will write later. After you leave.''

''Oh alright.''

She stays silent and I begin to get extremely nervous, ''Rachel?''

She shakes her head, ''Right! Sorry!'' She looks away, and sighs, ''Well, you used to-''

She doesn't finish her sentence and I find myself biting my lower lip in anticipation, ''Used to what?"

''Bully me.''

My eyes widen, ''What!''

''Yeah.'' she says softly, ''Sophomore year. You would call me names, order slushies to be thrown at me, write mean things on my MySpace page, also draw pornographic pictures of me in the bathrooms walls...''

''Ok that last one is really weird but – are you serious? Was I really like that to_ you_?'' I emphasize the 'you' because Rachel is the sweetest person I have ever met – even tho I don't remember everyone I have ever met I'm sure of that – and the thought of doing those things to_ her_?

''Yes you were, but after you got pregnant things got better between us. You realized you could relate to me and I supported you so we kind of bonded.''

x

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I'm sorry this is so short and also, probably filled with typos! I just wanted to update and hopefully I will update again tomorrow! Senior year is eating me alive and I have never studied so much in my life. Sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy for wanting to go to Med School (or Law School, still haven't decided...)!

**smartblonde317** and **nickd93**: I'm glad you like the Pezberry friendship! More of that later ;)

**MaJorReader619**: Thank you, I'm in fact feeling better now! Your reviews are always the best ones and make my day!

**Tomlinsane:** You are not the only one, I've been reading fanfiction like crazy (even tho I haven't had a lot of time) and this past two weeks have been hell haha. Thank you so much! You made me blush with the ''amazing author'' because really, I don't think my writing is good lol but I'm glad you enjoy this story!

**Nightlancer600:** Hey thanks! I'm glad you like it! I relate more to Quinn so writing in Rachel's POV is... interesting! haha :D


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Suggestion: Listen to 'Breathe In Breathe Out' by Mat Kearney and 'Arms' by Christina Perri while reading. The first one will be use in this chapter.

* * *

><p>x<p>

''_Yes you were, but after you got pregnant things got better between us. You realized you could relate to me and I supported you so we kind of bonded.''_

''And then I gave my child to your birth mother.''

Her face goes white and she looks away, finding the pictures hanging on my wall entertaining.

I immediately regret it. I don't know her well enough yet and going there seems insensitive, ''I-I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from.''

''No, it's okay.'' She sighs and run her fingers through her hair, ''I have gotten over the fact my mother didn't want a relationship with me but wanted another child really, it's fine. And besides, she has been around for some time now and we are okay.''

I nod.

''Have you seen Beth?'' she asks me.

''Yeah. I-I have. Shelby brought her here a couple of times since I left the hospital.''

''She looks a lot like you.'' She says with a smile that finally reaches her eyes as she glances back at me.

''Yes she does.''

I have wondered ever since I met my daughter why I would have had sex with her father.

I didn't feel anything when I met him.

Absolutely nothing.

And I was dating another guy when it happened.

''Why did I sleep with Puck?''

She looks surprised at my question and frowns before answering me, ''I- We talked about it once and you said he had gotten you drunk on a night you were feeling insecure and miserable and that it just happened.''

''So, I wasn't in love with him?''

''I don't think you were. Why?''

''Nothing. It's just that it doesn't make a lot of sense.''

''What do you mean?''

''I slept with someone I didn't love and cheated on Finn, and then cheated on Sam with him. I was a bitch to the sweetest person on Earth. I got kicked out of my house. I had a child. I went crazy, started smoking and drinking and got a tattoo. God. Just, _everything_. My life was a mess wasn't it?''

''Yeah. I think we can say our lives aren't exactly drama free.''

We laugh.

Understatement of the year.

''When you asked me if I wanted you to call my mother, back at the hospital, I knew the meaning. What a mother was-_is._ But I couldn't remember what mine looked like; what she was like. It was a blank. Just like everything else. I hear a word and I know what it means but I can't picture it. Not until I _see_ it or read about it.'' She doesn't say anything and just stares at me, ''I know is confusing_. I'm_ confused all the time.''

''No-no it makes sense in a way. You know what the words mean but you can't _relate _them to an imagine, to a moment; nothing connected to you.''

''Exactly.''

The tension in the room is too much so I decide to turn it around.

I know Rachel blames herself for what happened to me. Santana had told me and I got the confirmation two days ago when she said it herself. I tried to tell her that it wasn't her fault and we almost started screaming at each other.

''Anyways! I'm gonna hang out with Puck tomorrow after school. He seems to be a nice guy so it should be okay right?"

I don't miss the look on her face before she says, ''Right!'', and the smile that don't reach her eyes this time.

x

''She is going out with Puck!''

''Yes I heard you the first time, and the second, and the third, you can stop repeating yourself now Berry.''

''But Santana! She is going out with Puck.''

''Okay, technically they are just getting coffee; it's not even a date! And why the hell do you care? Maybe it will be good for her. And it's not like you are in love with her so why-'' she stops and sees the look on my face. S_he knows_ ''Oh my God you fell in love with her already didn't you?''

''I-I don't know what you are talking about. I'm simply concerned for her wellbeing.''

I'm a terrible liar. How the hell do I intend to be an actress?

There are students all around us so she lowers her voice, ''Rachel! I told you to be careful! And now you actually have feelings for her!''

''I can't help it okay! I'm seeing her with new eyes, I'm seeing our past with new eyes and she is amazing Santana! I don't know how it happened or when but yeah I'm in love with her. Now! You are still going to be there right?''

''Yes, of course.''

''Good!''

I spot Kurt by his locker, ''At the auditorium in one hour! Don't be late."

She rolls her eyes at me before making her way to Brittany across the roll, ''Fine.''

I wave at Brittany and start moving towards my best friend, ''Kurt!''

He turns to look at me with a smile, ''Hey Rach.''

''Are you free? I checked everyone's schedule and we are the only ones without the last class so, can you help me set everything up at the auditorium?''

''Yes! I'm really excited! Do you think she is going to like it?''

I grin at his enthusiasm, ''I hope so.''

X

''Hello?'', I enter the auditorium hesitating and walk over to the stage; I stand in front of it and look around.

I had opened my locker earlier that day to find a note waiting: _Auditorium at 5pm._

And now here I am,

''Is anyone here?"

The lights come on and a guitar starts to play.

Soon after that my brain shuts down because-

Fuck.

_Breathe in breathe out  
>Tell me all of you doubts.<br>Everybody bleeds this ways, just the same._

Have I died?

Because I swear this voice has to belong to an angel.

And it does.

She enters the stage and stops right in the middle looking down at me.

_Breathe in breathe out  
>Move on and break down<br>If everyone goes away, I will stay._

And then the rest of the Glee club joins her,

_We push and pull  
>And I fall down sometimes<br>And I'm not letting go  
>You hold the other line<br>'Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes._

It is one of my favorite songs and she knows it. We had listened to it time and time again and I love Mat's voice but, he's got nothing on Rachel.

_Hold on, hold tight  
>If I'm out of your sight<br>And everything keeps moving on, moving on.  
>Hold on, hold tight<br>Make it through another night  
>Every day there comes a song with the dawn.<em>

Her voice is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard and I found myself hypnotized.

I barely notice her coming my way. She offers me her hand and I take it, letting she guide me to the stage.

_We push and pull  
>And I fall down sometimes,<br>And I'm not letting go  
>You hold the other line.<br>'Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes._

All my friends are around me; forming a circle of smiles and voices and I can't stop the tears that are forming in my eyes from falling.

_Breathe in and breathe out  
>Breathe in and breathe out<br>Breathe in and breathe out  
>Breathe in and breathe out<em>

_Look left, look right  
>To the moon and the night<br>Everything under the stars is in your arms_

I feel incredibly happy to know I had- that I _have_ people in my life who care about me like this.

_'Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes  
>There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes<br>There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes._

And as Rachel puts her arms around me, finishing the song softly against my ear; it's a little strange but it feels like I'm _home._

x

**A/N:** I hate school and I hate my life but I love ''hearing'' from you guys so, thoughts?

Also, I'll be replying to you here once again because it's faster.

Hope you don't mind!

**RVNola546, faberrydragon** and **w1cked**: Thank you for the feedback! Hope you liked this chapter :D

**Nightlancer600: **Thanks! Yes, in my mind Rachel would be supportive no matter what. She has always been there for Quinn through the years so why would it change now right? I just hope I don't disappoint you! haha :)

**Aaml-sp5:** Is Rachel singing a song to Quinn enough for now? Promise next chapter will have something regarding Quinn and her memories!

**MaJorReader619**: hahaha Random is good! I like random! And I hope you liked this chapter!


	6. Chapter 6

X

Being at cheerleading practice has been… interesting.

I won't participate on the National championship because, for obvious reasons, I can't run, jump or dance like that for at least three more months, but I take it easy and instead of going to physical therapy I exercise - mostly stretch out - on the field surrounded by Sylvester's screams. Even if some of the practices begin at fucking 6am; I show up.

I guess things could have been worse; I could have ended up paraplegic or _dead. _But not being able to remember your life and who you are? Sucks. Not knowing what are the things you like or want in life? Sucks.

I sigh and head towards my locker after showering and saying bye to Brittany and Santana.

I'm halfway through picking the book for my first class of the day when she walks by with a grin on her face that I can't help but reciprocate, ''Hey.''

''Hello Quinn, how are you doing in this lovely morning?''

''I'm good Rachel, how are you?''

''I'm great! Are you joining us today at Glee practice?"

''Yes. I actually want to join it for real if that's okay with you.''

Her face lights up and it warms my heart, ''Oh my God yes! Absolutely!'' she says. And she looks so_ happy_.

And when she is happy; I'm happy.

It's probably not good to be this dependent on someone, to a level that, if they aren't ok, you aren't. But what can I say? It's just the way it is.

She moves forward, hugging me before I can even think about it; and as put my arms around her I take a deep breath.

She smells wonderfully, like she always does. It's addictive really, and I always make our embraces last longer than ''_normal''_. She doesn't seem to mind though.

''Good.'' I step away reluctantly, ''Also, you are coming over tonight right?''

''Yes, and I have already picked out the movie we are watching. And I have questions about your week since we haven't really talked since Monday.'' She pouts.

''Yeah I know, I'm sorry about that. It's just that I have been studying _so _much.'' The bell rings and she is smiling beautifully at me once again, ''I know Quinn, it's okay really, I just miss you. See you at lunch?''

''Yeah'' I barely manage to whisper because she _misses_ me.

I close my locker and start to turn around so I can gaze at her. I feel like a weirdo - or a fool - as I watch her go; when it happens.

A jock passes by her and soon she is covered in purple corn beverage.

I open my mouth and begin to move towards her but am taken back as an imagine invades my brain and makes me step back; brutally hitting my back against the cold metal.

I close my eyes.

Rachel is in the same position she was a minute ago. Only this time there's a sound filling the room: my laughter.

I'm laughing as she stands there covered in slushie.

I'm _laughing_.

Soon the scene goes away and I open my eyes.

I feel sick.

Ashamed.

And angry.

And as I become aware of my surroundings again – Rachel trying to pick her books from the floor; trying not to dirt them while there are people laughing. Just like I was. – I get even more enraged as I target a small blonde girl standing right next to Rachel and move towards her.

I stand inches away from her and the sound coming from her throat and mouth instantly stops.

''Do you want me to throw one of those at your face so you can find out how it feels like?''

She swallows slowly and looks at everywhere trying to avoid my eyes before lowering her head and staring at floor.

She shakes her head.

''Great. Then get the hell out of here before I do it. And never, _ever_ laugh at her again or else you will regret it. Got it?"

She nods quickly before practically running away.

It is the first time I speak to someone like this and it feels _weird_. I don't feel like _myself_.

Everyone walks away because apparently; pregnant or not, with memory lost or not, _wanting _or not, I still ruled the school and always would.

Sure, I had been slushied, I had been at the bottom of the pyramid and had become an outcast (or so people told me) but it didn't matter because everyone knew who Quinn Fabray was and everybody respected it.

Honestly, I don't care about that, and if I ever did? It was the old me.

I walk over to her and start picking up her books that were abandoned on the floor while she stands there looking at me in disbelief and doesn't say anything.

''Bathroom?" I ask her and she takes a few seconds before simply nodding.

I don't look back to see if she is following me as I enter the restroom and start to grab paper towels so I can clean her books.

I see her walk into the room with the corner of my eyes but don't turn to look at her.

I'm too furious and I have notice a couple of weeks ago that when I am feeling like this I shout myself and push everyone away. It had happened with my mom and it had happened with Santana.

I wonder if with her it is going to be any different.

''Quinn…'' she says my name and I know it _will_. Because it's _her_. ''You don't need to do that. I'm used to it. Really.''

She says it so fucking calmly. Like it is okay that people treat her like that, and it makes me feel even worse, ''Don't say that.''

''Say what?''

''That you are used to it.'' She is standing next to me, waiting for me to look at her but I can't.

''But I am! It hasn't happened in a while and it caught me by surprised but I'm still prepared for it. I have extra clothes in my locker and-''

''How can you be okay with this? How can it not bother you? And why are you even my friend? Why do you even talk to me? This is entirely my fault.''

''Quinn, it wasn't you who throw it at me.''

I finally turn to face her, ''Yeah I never did it myself because I was such a fucking coward but I was always the one behind it, wasn't I?''

''Quinn…'' she steps forward and reaches for my arm.

Her fingertips brush against my wrists before I pull away, ''No. Stay away from me. I don't deserve your friendship.''

She gasps and stares at me with widen eyes. How can she not hate me? From what she - and other people - told me and from what I _saw_ just a few minutes ago, I have done horrible things to her. And she still, despite everything, is _so_ sweet to me.

''Quinn Fabray you better stop right now! It is not your fault that people still slushie me. And for what it's worth it's not just me; it's the entire Glee club. And you just defended me! No one has ever done it before. Not even Finn, so just stop ok?''

''I laughed.''

Confusion is written all over her face.

I sigh, ''I remembered something.''

''You did? What?''

''I remember _laughing_ while you ran to this very same bathroom, covered in blue liquid and ice, probably _crying._''

''Oh.''

''Yeah, so don't say I'm not to blame.''

''Quinn, that was in the past. I told you a few days ago that yes, you used to torture me, but it doesn't matter now. Things changed. You changed. This is not your fault anymore.''

I stay silent and after realizing I wasn't saying anything back, she starts to wash her face and her hair, and I watch, amazed.

How can this girl be so… incredible? She is not crying. She is not furious. She is not complaining or pointing fingers. She is simply cleaning the mess up.

''Thanks for standing up for me though. It means a lot.''

I ignore her because honestly, she has nothing to thank me for, ''Do you want me to go to your locker and get the clothes you said you have there?''

''No it's okay. You have already lost half of your first class.''

''I'm sorry'' I say as I leave the room.

x

''She _defended _you?''

''Yes she did! Not that I'm surprised.'' He raises his eyebrows at me, ''Ok, I was a little surprised but mostly, I was perplexed. I stood there like a fool just looking at her.''

''What did she do exactly?"

''She walked up to some random girl who was laughing and told her to stop or she would get to know how it feels to be slushied.''

''Wow.''

''I know right! And everybody stopped laughing instantly and walked away.''

Kurt opens his mouth to give his opinion when there's a loud nock on the opened door of the choir room. Every member already inside the class raises their head to see who is it.

I gasp when I see the hockey player who slushied me earlier standing there.

He looks like he is about to throw up or like he_ did_ just that a minute ago.

''What do you want dude?'' I hear Puck say behind me.

The boy looks up awkwardly and puts his eyes on me, ''I-I wanted to apologize to Berry for bullying her earlier. It was- it was wrong and I shouldn't have done it. It will never happen again.''

He nods; mostly to himself and goes away. Everyone in the room is muttering to themselves 'what the hell' as a blonde walks in and looks quickly at me before sitting next to Santana.

I smile because I'm pretty sure she is the one who made that happen.

x

''Mercedes, Santana, that was amazing! And I guess we have one of our songs for Nationals!''

Everybody clamps excited and Mr. Schue continues, ''Yes! And I think we can call it the day guys so, have a nice weekend!''

I stand up before anyone has the chance to move, ''Actually… I would like to ask you guys something.'' They all look at me, some with genuine curiosity, ''I want to re-join Glee, for real, actually participate and not just watch, if that's okay.''

Shouts of 'Yes!', 'Of course!', and 'Welcome back!' fill the room.

I smile, ''Thanks guys. And I want to- sing something, like a second audition, as well.''

The curly haired man - I will always call him that - grins at me, ''Let's hear it!''

I take a deep breath and close my eyes as Brad starts to play and wait for my queue,

_Oh no, I see  
>The spider web is tangled up with me<br>And I lost my head  
>The thought of all the stupid things I've said.<em>

I stare at the floor, my feet, and my hands as I sing;

_Oh no, what's this?  
>The spider web, and I'm caught in the middle.<em>

I can sense her eyes on me and I can't help but do what I have been desperately trying not to: look at her.

_So I turn to run  
>And thought of all the stupid things I've done.<em>

_And I never meant to cause you trouble  
>I never meant to do you wrong<br>And ah, well if I ever caused you trouble  
>Oh, no I never meant to do you harm<em>

I sing the rest of the song with my eyes locked with hers and I can see that there are tears in them.

_Oh no, I see  
>The spider web, and it's me in the middle<br>So I twist and turn  
>But here am I in my little bubble<em>

_Singing out  
>I never meant to cause you trouble,<br>I never meant to do you wrong,  
>And ah, well if I ever caused you trouble<br>Oh, no I never meant to do you harm._

_They spun a web for me  
>They spun a web for me<br>They spun a web for me._

The thought of her being hurt because of me, because of my actions – which I still don't understand – makes me sick. It makes me feel like I can't breathe and all I want to do is cry because she means more than anything to me. She is the only one who seems to somehow understand me. She knows exactly how to calm me down and she makes me believe things will get better.

Sometimes I think she is this little angel sent to Earth to make it a better place; to make people better. And she is so strong. Everyone who I had talked to so far who brought her up (or maybe I brought her up in every single damn conversation) told me she always held her head up high. She never let it stop her from doing what she loves and being who she is. And I can only be thankful for the fact I didn't ruin the beauty that was Rachel Berry. She is going to take the whole world one day and it makes me glad that even all the bullying and hating didn't let her down.

But that's exactly the point as well. It could have destroyed her.

I played with someone's feelings and insecurities. And why? Because she wanted my high school boyfriend? Really?

I finish the song and she is staring at me with that adoringly eyes that make me melt and I run.

I get the hell out of there, hoping that she will once again understand and not come after me. I need space right now. I need to think and figure out what I'm feeling; what I have felt ever since I woke up with her next to my hospital bed.

x

**Song**: Trouble by Coldplay.


	7. Chapter 7

x

I want to ask her if she feels it too; this connection between us. But I can't, can I? I can't tell her I have feelings for her. I would freak her out; she likes boys so it would probably ruin our friendship.

But then again, sometimes I catch her looking at me and the way she does it…

I haven't even processed the fact I'm gay and that no one has mention it to me. Contraire to it; people talk about my ex-boyfriends. But why did I date boys if I'm attracted to girls?

I mean, I'm in love with one. I'm in love with_ her._

Or at least that is my conclusion. Is this what love feels like? I don't really have anything to compare it to.

Maybe I could see the differences to other people around me?

Could I see myself being close like that to any of them? Could I see myself kissing any of them? Do I feel comfortable with any of them? Do I trust any of them? Do I notice everything about them? Do I want to hear them talk all the time? Do I want be around them all the time?

The answer: No, I don't feel or want any of those things with anyone. No one besides her.

But did I have feelings for her before my accident? Or for any other girl? And if I did, why hide it?

Maybe because of my family? There are bibles all over the house and a pastor comes visit at least twice a week ever since the crash so I can say for sure that my mother is religious. What I noticed from my father is that he is the kinda of man who doesn't back down from his decisions and that he doesn't _do_ emotions. He didn't even blinked when he asked me if I knew who he was and my answer was no.

He hasn't come visit since.

My mom tries to come up with excuses and say he is a busy man but honestly, he doesn't care and I don't either. In fact, I don't even know the guy and I already dislike him. He kicked his daughter out for finding out she was pregnant and doesn't bother to check up on her when she almost died.

What would happen if he found out she is a lesbian?

I sigh and continue to change channels. She should be here for our sleepover any minute now. Thankfully she hadn't come after me when I left the choir room. She only texted me one hour later asking if I still wanted her to come over.

Of course I did. I've had enough time on my own. I've think and think for hours, now, I need her near me, I need to listen to the sound of her voice and her laughter.

The doorbell rings and I practically jump off the couch.

''I will get it.'' My mom screams from the other room.

And as they greet each other I take the time to compose myself;

''Rachel dear! It's good to see you.''

''Hello Mrs. Fabray, it's my pleasure. How are you doing?''

''It doesn't matter how many times I ask you, will never call me Judy will you?''

''I'm afraid not.''

I hear my mom laugh and it makes me smile; I love how they get along so well.

''Well then, I'm doing fine darling, what about you? And your fathers? Haven't talked to them today.''

''We are all doing great.''

''Glad to hear it. Quinn is in the living room; scream if you need anything.''

''Will do. Thank you.''

I hear footsteps coming my way and soon she is standing in front of me, ''Hey.'' My voice cracks and I kick myself mentally. I need to calm down. And stop staring. But I can't because she is so freaking gorgeous.

God, am I obvious?

She smiles at me, ''Hey yourself, are you okay? I got worried when you left like that but I figured you needed space?''

''Yeah I did, thanks for understanding it.''

''No problem, just know that I'm here ok? Whatever you need.''

''I know that Rachel.'' She hugs me quickly and I change the subject, ''Do you want some popcorn to go with the movie?'' I change the subject because yes, I want to talk to her but I don't know how.

''Some popcorn would be great. I'm starving actually.''

''Oh, do you want some pizza then?''

''Whatever you choose Quinn.''

I can see in her face that she wants the pizza. She loves the vegan one this little place down town makes, ''Pizza it is! I'll order and you make yourself at home ok? Put the movie on?''

''Sure!''

I head to the kitchen and start to dial the number I have memorized.

''I'll be upstairs watching some TV if you need me okay honey?'' my mom says as she walks by.

I nod as someone answers the phone, ''Hi. I would like a vegan pizza please.''

x

I go back to the living room to find Rachel already with her shoes off lying on the couch, ''I see you have made yourself at home.''

She looks at me and grins, ''As always''

I make my way to her and grab her ankles, lifting her legs so I can sit. She doesn't make a move and her legs end up on my lap.

''What are we watching?''

''The Time Traveler's Wife.''

''Time travel? You don't like sci-fi.''

''Not really but you do. And besides, it's a drama. I'm a sucker for those in case you haven't notice.''

''Oh I have.''

She pouts at me but then laughs a little, giving me _that _look.

The look that makes me hopeful that maybe she feels something for me too. Something _more_ than just friends love. When she looks at me like that it seems like she_ knows_ that there's something between us.

But then she looks away.

I watch her press play and when the noise begins to fill the room, I look at the TV. I'm glad the movie starts; it gives me something to focus on that is not her and the fact she is so close and yet so far away from me.

x

Thirty minutes into the movie and Quinn is sitting closer than she first was. Now my thighs are settle in her lap and her head is resting against my arm. The warm coming from her body makes it hard for me to breathe.

Do friends cuddle like this?

I try to tell myself that yes, they do but I know it isn't true.

I wonder what she is thinking.

The doorbell rings, letting us know the pizza is here, ''I will get it.'' She gets up so fast that by the time I say ''Okay'' she is already gone.

My phone vibrates on the table and I reach to grab it. There's a new text, from Kurt:

**Hey, is Quinn ok?**

I smile. He had been one of the many Glee club members to ask me what was wrong earlier when Quinn left, running, the choir room. My answer to all of them had been: I don't know.

_Yes, I believe she is although we haven't talked yet._

**Ok. Let me know. What are you guys doing?**

_Watching a movie. The pizza just arrived._

**Fun!**

I assume he is done with talking since he is probably with Blaine but I'm surprised to see another one come a few seconds later:

**You two really did become friends huh? You care so much about her Rach. It's amazing.**

I swallow hard. I had choosen to stay quiet and don't say anything to him about my feelings for Quinn yet. But sometimes I have the sensation he knows.

_Of course we did and of course I do, but what do you mean by that?_

**Just what I said. Enjoy your evening! See you tomorrow for coffee? Blaine says hi by the way!**

_Yes I will be there. Tell him I said hi back._

Quinn comes into the room with two plates, the pizza box and two cans of juice.

''God how do you manage to carry everything like that I will never understand.''

She smirks at me, ''I have skills.''

Inappropriate thoughts make their way into my mind and I have a hard time shaking them off, ''Did the delivery guy hit on you again?'' I ask curiously. I have seen him and he is handsome. Blonde, about her height and – I hate to admit it – pleasant.

She laughs and hands me my plate, ''Yes. He asked me out actually.''

''Oh''. My voice betrays me and I have the urge to roll my eyes at myself.

''I told him no though.''

I clear my throat, ''Really?'' I fight back a smile, ''Why?''

''He is not my type.''

Before I have the chance to ask why – because I didn't even know she _had_ a type and because I'm extremely curious to _know_ what _is _her type – she is pressing play and with her eyes glued to the screen.

x

We finished eating and soon the movie was over too. We didn't cuddle and part of me is really glad for that because being that close to her was starting to physically hurt. She had cried during several parts of the movie and I admit that even I shed a few tears here and there. It was a good movie, incredibly sad but amazingly romantic.

We decided to come upstairs and get ready to sleep and I knew it was only a matter of time before she asked me.

I was surprised he hadn't already. I have learned a lot of things about Rachel Berry and one of them is that she doesn't like to push things to later. I don't think that's bad. I actually find it interesting; the fact she is so different from me in that aspect. I avoid talking about things and feelings. It just seems to be who I am.

I get out of my bathroom and find her lying on my bed in her pajamas; her head resting against one of my pillows, reading a magazine.

I stare – probably for _way_ too long – before closing the door and making my way to her. I get under the covers and check my phone before putting it on my nightstand. She closes the magazine and turns off the lights. I can feel her staring at my profile. I can sense she is not going to ask me anything, that she will just wait for me to talk, but this is new to me because I'm never the one to start conversations; I usually just go with the flow.

I stare at the celling. What am I even supposed to say to her? The truth? That I'm in love with her and that it is consuming every fiber of my being? That I can't get her out of my mind? That she is the only person I could ever truly see myself with?

No.

''Everything is so confusing.'' I say, it's not the whole truth but at least it's not a lie, ''I feel so lost all the time. I've discovered some things that make me not like who I was. And the worst part is that I can't remember my reasons for doing such things and being the way I was; the way I _am._''

''Well, I think who you were doesn't really matter anymore. We are moving away from here in a few months. You got into Yale Quinn, and you once said to me that by the time the leaves fell in New Haven you wouldn't remember why you did the things you did, dated the guys you dated so from where I'm standing you may just _literally_ don't remember.''

I look at her and smile. She is trying to make the conversation lighter and I appreciate it. I appreciate how she knows things aren't easy for me, ''And besides'' she continues, ''You can become whoever you want. It's up to you to change the things you don't like, to be someone you can be proud of.''

''Yes I guess you are right. And you will still be my friend? I know you will be busy with college but we won't grow apart right?''

''Of course not. If I do get into NYADA, yes my schedule will be filled but I won't let it get in the way of our friendship'' The way she says it makes me less insecure. When she talks to me like that, I believe her. Like always, when she says things like that, I believe everything is going to be okay.

''Good. And you _will_ get in, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. Which reminds me, when is the final addition happening again? Next Saturday?''

''Yes. And speaking of it, I have something I wanted to ask you.''

''What is it?''

''Would you go with me?''

''To New York?'' I ask surprise.

''Yes, Blaine is coming along with Kurt and my dad will be driving us but I want someone there with me besides him. Not that I don't love him for it, is just that he is my father and Finn were supposed to go but now we are not together anymore and there isn't really a reason for him to do that. Not that there's a reason why _you_ should but –'' she stops and sighs; biting her bottom lip and I can't hold back my grin.

She is just adorable when she rambles.

''Will you go with me?''

''Yes Rachel I would love to go with you.''

She giggles loudly, ''Great!''

We fall in a comfortable silence and after a few minutes thinking she was asleep I hear her asking me, ''Have you remember anything else?'' and if I wasn't lying next to her I wouldn't have heard.

''Yes.'' I whisper, ''While I was running this afternoon I had more flashbacks. But it's all very blurry, it's hard to distinguish one thing from another. There are basically scenes. Moments.''

''Like what?"

''I'm at school in most of them. In the hallways, in the bathrooms or even in the football field. What they all have in common is that I'm alone. And then in others I'm surrounded by people but the smile on my face is fake. I don't know; it's strange.''

I feel her moving closer and my breathing catches.

What is she doing?

I feel her arm around my waist and her head resting against the part of my body where shoulder meets neck and soon her front is almost fully against mine.

I know this is just a friendly hug. Just a girl comforting her friend. But I can't help but smile and melt into her.

''You will never be alone again.''

New tears form in my eyes when she says that and I release a breath I didn't even realize I was holding.

Tiredness makes me fall asleep quickly with a smile on my face.

X

I'm running. I don't know where I am. I don't recognize this place. I think it is a forest or maybe a park. I keep running but I don't get tired. I also never reach anywhere. Feels like there is no end to this.

There are things going by me as I keep going.

Wait. It's not things. It's people.

I start to pay attention to them. I see the delivery guy from earlier. I see acquaintances, I see my teachers, my sister, my father, my friends. I see my mom and then I see her; I see Rachel Berry. And next thing I know I'm falling.

On my face.

A groan escapes my lips and I look up from the ground hoping to see Rachel still standing there. But everything is dark.

I frown, ''Hello? Can anyone hear me?'' My voice echoes but there isn't an answer, ''Hello?'' I try again and – Nothing.

I sit and bring my legs against my chest. I feel cold. I feel alone,_ lonely._

Moments after a light starts to come my way. It gets closer and closer by the second and then there's a loud noise – a horn. I realize then that it is a fucking truck. I deflect it before it can hit me; half jumping and half rolling to my right side.

I open my eyes to find myself in the main hallway of my school. It's badly lightened and there's only one sound – a crying one. I start to walk, looking for whoever was producing it. I don't know why I do it. My first instinct is to run, to get the hell away from there but something inside of me _needs_ to find this person.

I look through class after class and when I can't find anything I go for the bathrooms. I enter the last one on this floor and discover that is where the noise is coming from. I feel scared and anxious. I start opening butts and in the third one there's brown hair spread on tan skin and the girl is sitting in the toilet; shaking. She looks up and I gasp. I lose my breath when I realize – it's Rachel.

She lowers her head again and continues to sob. I reach forward, dropping on my knees, ''Rach…'' I rest my hands on her legs, ''Rachel what is it?''

Her eyes lock with mine. There's a darkness in them I have never seen. There is nothing there but anger, ''This is your fault.'' Her voice is empty. There's no emotion whatsoever in it.

I clear my throat, ''What are you talking about?''

I feel my heart get heavy and the little smirk on her lips makes me shiver, ''It's all your fault. You fault. You fault. Your fault…'' She repeats it, again and again, nonstop and I feel like I'm gonna faint. Or throw up. Soon there are tears in my eyes. It is like she is possessed, or worse – like she is dead inside. She is a lifeless body repeating a mantra.

I get up and get out of there; I'm back at the hallway and everything is dark again expect from this light right in front of me.I take a deep breath and enter it, hoping her voice will go away.

After I cross it or whatever it is that I do, I start to hear another crying sound. I sigh and look for a way out because I honestly can't take it anymore. If I'm dreaming; which I'm 99% positive I am, I just want to wake up.

I don't find anything; no window, no door, nothing. It's just a big white room that doesn't seem to have an end.

I start running again.

My feet hits the ground violently and the noise it's still invading my ears. I try to shut it out and by doing so I realize it seems like – a baby.

I stop, ''No.'' I whisper, ''No, no, no.'' It can't be. I close my eyes trying to avoid this. Whatever _this_ is. My worst nightmares and regrets all coming together to haunt me perhaps?

I open my eyes slowly, challenging myself to look.

She is right there; sitting on the white floor, staring at me with those perfect little hazel eyes.

I can't help but smile through my tears because she is so perfect. She was not a mistake. Maybe sleeping with Puck had been, I couldn't tell but what I did know was that the minute I saw her I knew I loved her.

This tiny part of me.

I reach out to touch her but she starts to move; flowing away from me. Not being taken, no, she is just _leaving_. And the pain in my chest crushes me. It's an accusation. She is leaving me like I left her. The look on her face shows it.

And like a broken record Rachel's voice comes back, ''Your fault, your fault, your fault...''

And I just scream, ''No!''

x

**A/N: **Well, this was a big chapter! Hope you liked it and I hope you forgive me for all the typos it may contain! Thank you all again for the feedback, I love knowing your opinions so, review?

And I'm sorry for taking so long to update! Real life is a bitch.


	8. Chapter 8

x

''Quinn! Come on, wake up Quinn!'' I don't know what to do, I have one of my hands on her shoulder and I have been trying to wake her up for minutes but she doesn't respond.

I woke up with a scream. A quiet but yet strong shout of ''No!'' and then I noticed she was shaking and sweating next to me with a look of pure pain on her face that made me want to throw up.

She is biting her lower lip now; teeth showing, and she is frowning. That look of absolutely misery and torture is still there.

''Quinn!'' I try again. My face is incredibly close to hers and if the situation wasn't so stressful I would be compelled to kiss her. I can feel her heavy breathing, I can see her chest rising and falling fast. I move forward so my mouth is right next to her left ear, ''Quinn wake up!'' I say strong and loud; and it does the trick.

I hear her gasp and then her body is moving forward. She ends up crashing into me; I don't even have the time to process it and she is in my arms sobbing and fighting to push air into her lungs.

''Shh it's okay. You are okay, just breathe.'' I keep repeating. She stays quiet and I just hold her as tight as I possibly can.

A few minutes later her heartbeat is back to normal – or almost – and she has stopped crying, ''Are you feeling better?'', I try.

She nods and pulls away. I sigh because I immediately miss her warmth. I'm getting addicted to her and I know there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening, because the thought of leaving her hurts too much.

''Sorry about that. God, I must look like a mess.''

''A really pretty mess.''

Did I just... She smiles and blushes and I wonder who is redder right now. Me and my big, impulsive, mouth always having to declare how gorgeous I find her. I change the subject, ''I thought I wouldn't be able to wake you up.''

She sighs, ''And I thought I was never _going_ to. But then I heard your voice and – I was awake.''

''Wanna talk about it?''

She stares at her hands, ''Not really it's just, a lot. It was like all my demons were coming back to haunt me.''

''Oh''

''Yeah'', she is silent for a moment and that's when I realize my legs are asleep for sitting on them for so long; I move, lying down again without taking my eyes of that angelic face. She is half sitting half lying; with her knees to her chest. I watch her breathe with her eyes close and I wonder what is on her mind. I often find myself in this position; looking at her, asking myself when and _if _she will ever let me in for good.

''Can you-'', she stops and the fragilely of her tone breaks me away from my thoughts.

''Can I what?''

''Can you hold me? For a while so I can be able to sleep?''

Hazel eyes lock with brown and I smile; opening my arms, ''Of course, come here.''

She rests her head on my chest and puts her arm around my waist. I do the same and kiss her forehead. I should probably be worried about boundaries and getting too close but I couldn't care less. I pay attetion to her breathing and her heartbeat, to the way her body feels against mine, the smell of her shampoo. Everything.

I had cuddled and slept with Jess, Puck and Finn but had never felt anything remotely similar to this.

X

''Kurt!''

''Rachel, you are here!''

I hug him and smile, ''Sorry I'm late. I had to turn off my alarm so I wouldn't wake Quinn and apparently my body thought I should sleep a little bit longer than I usually do.''

''No problem. I was just enjoying my latté.''

''So… how was your date last night?'' I ask, sitting on the chair across from him.

''It was… okay.''

''Just okay? Aren't you guys managing to work things out?''

''We are. Kinda of.'' He sighs, ''I don't know Rach. We start talking and then talking turns into fighting and we don't get anywhere.''

I reach for his hand across the table, ''I'm sorry Kurt. If there's anything I can do please tell me.''

''You can… distract me! Tell me how Quinn is.''

Now it's my time to sigh, ''I don't know. She is doing well I think, considering everything. She is incredibly strong, I just wish she would let me help her.''

''Rach, you _are_ helping her.''

''But it's not enough Kurt. It's never going to be enough.''

''I see you are still blaming yourself.''

''Of course I am.'' He should know I would.

''Well I'm not giving you the whole ''Things happen, it's not your fault'' speech because I know your stubborn little head won't accept it. Again.''

''I appreciate it.''

He roll his eyes at me, ''Has she agreed to sing at Nationals?''

''I haven't had the chance to ask her but I think she will. It will be the group number so I think she will be up for it.''

''Yes I think it will be good for her. It was an excellent idea Rach.'' He grins at me and I nod, ''Have you decided your solo yet?''

''Kind of.''

''Kind of?''

''Yes I have narrow it down to two songs. I think one of them I will use on my audition next Saturday and the other one on Nationals.''

''Oh God. Our NYADA Audition. I'm going to have a break down by the time we get in the car.''

I pout; sometimes he can be more of a diva than I will ever be able to, ''That's why we are going one day earlier! So we can sleep and rest and breathe the New York City air before knowing what future holds for us.''

''Can you believe this is actually happening? Within two months high school will be over and we will be moving into the big city. Quinn will be right there with us, just a few hours away, Santana and Brittany will be in LA, Mercedes as well. And did you know Finn is thinking about going to California?''

''He came and asked me about it; if I thought it was a good idea. I'm glad he is focusing on his future and actually deciding to go to college.''

''Yes, me too. He is a good guy. Sometimes''

I giggle and roll my eyes. More like one out of a thousand times.

x

I wake up with a knock on the door; I open my eyes to find my mom standing next to my bed, ''Quinnie, lunch is ready. Come down soon okay?''

''Yeah'' I whisper and she leaves. I look at my clock; it's almost one in the afternoon and when did that happen?

But most important, where is Rachel?

I look around my room, like by doing so she will suddenly appear. I sigh and decide to move. I get out of bed and a note falls out of it, I kneel down to catch it and smile when I see the cute handwriting I recognize:

_Quinn, I didn't want to wake you up. Went out for coffee with Kurt, I will call you tonight. – R''_

I spend the whole afternoon thinking about her and looking at my phone waiting for her call, waiting to hear her voice again. It's probably unhealthy how much I think about this girl. But _how_ can I _not_ think about her? She is the only thing keeping me sane right now.

Or insane considering how many times I have checked my phone in the past five minutes.

It's 8pm when it finally rings but for my disappointment is not Rachel.

''Hey Quinn, it's Santana. I'm calling to see if you are okay. Couldn't find you yesterday after you left Glee and you didn't come to practice this morning.''

Practice. Completely forgot about that, ''Oh I didn't want to leave my bed early today sorry. And yes I'm okay, just a little confused'', I roll my eyes even though I know no one can see it, ''Like always.''

''Do you want me to come over? We can watch a movie or something.''

''Don't you have plans with Brittany?''

''No. Look, I know you have notice that I'm not exactly the friendly type, but you were my best friend Quinn and I really miss you. I know you are messed up in your head and that you don't remember our relationship, but I really don't wanna lose you okay? We are going separated ways soon and I want to keep you as a friend. So can you give me a chance?''

I'm surprised by Santana's suddenly burst of words and the emotion they contain, and the truth is that I _want_ to get to know her, ''Yes; come over tonight.''

''Okay. I will be there in thirty.''

X

By the time Santana got here Rachel had already called. We talked on the phone for about twenty minutes and I would call her again now by it's close to 1am and I know she is asleep after her ritual.

Hanging out with the Latina was a lot of fun. I like her sassy, sarcastic ways, and I like the fact she can be a really good company if you let her. I did and I'm glad that I made that decision. Apart from Rachel, and maybe Kurt and Tina, she and Brittany are the ones who I'm sure I will keep in touch; memory back or not.

On Sunday Rachel calls me again, and this time we spend two hours on the phone. Talking to her and being around her makes me just let everything go and be myself. Either knowing who that is or not.

Last night, when I was pratically asleep again in her arms, a memory came back. But this time, it wasn't a sad, painful one. No, it was a really good one actually; we were on a stage; there were people all around us jumping and probably screaming. Probably, because the only sound I was hearing was a ''we did it'' against my ear. My favorite voice in the world. And the girl whose voice belonged to was standing right next to me; smiling at me. A grin made it's way to my face and I let darkness take me; being sure of two things: Yes, I was in love with Rachel Berry. I had always been.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **This chapter was the hardest one to write so far! And I'm not sure I like it... Anyways, I'm sorry for the typos, for the delay and so on. Next chapter will have a lot of important stuff and the story will be heading to it's end... Enjoy the episode on Tuesday! Lets hope it doesn't suck too much...


	9. Chapter 9

Things I know to be true:

1. New York is the most beautiful city I have ever been to (ok. It's only the second city I actually know and remember but you get the point)

2. I miss Beth.

3. Hiram Berry has got to be the funniest person I know.

4. I hate my scars. Probably always will.

5. I'm afraid of being alone.

6. I still have nightmares.

7. I'm still afraid of riding on cars.

8. Rachel Berry is the trigger for my memories.

9. I'm in love with Rachel Berry.

10. I would do anything Rachel Berry asked me to; including singing at a National competition. (which I will)

The week passes by incredibly fast and Friday morning arrives on a blink of an eye. I go to all the cheerios practices and all my classes and study my ass off every day. Soon there would be finals to take, and prom, Nationals and graduation to attend.

The glee club gathers to wish good luck to Rachel and Kurt; and to me and Blaine for – according to Santana – having to deal with the two divas on the big city.

During the car ride Kurt gives me an apologized look – I am the one stuck between Rachel and Blaine in the back while they sing aloud to all the songs that are playing – I smile and say ''I don't mind'', turning to gaze at Rachel. I feel safer; having her by my side and her voice all around me. When I look back at him he is grinning and saying ''I get it.''

I ignore his _knowing smile _and focus on the road ahead. I start thinking about my life and that lame 'ten things' list. The truth is that I am terrified of everything. Riding a car, graduating high school, going to college, living by myself, never remembering everything, being in love with a girl who I consider my best friend.

I sigh and Rachel grabs my hand. I meet her eyes and she asks me if everything is okay. I grin, because she has such a worried look on her face; genuine concern for my wellbeing. I kiss her cheek on an act of courage and say that yes it is all good.

After a while I join her on a song that I am surprised she has on her playlist. It's from the same singer of ''Breathe In Breathe Out''; the song they had sang to me on glee club.

_if tonight is your last train out of here  
>how you gonna run like that<br>how you gonna run like that  
>if there's one life and one love left here to share<br>how you gonna turn your back  
>how you gonna turn your back<em>

_and i don't care if everyone knows  
>what we're going through<br>'cause all the roads lead back to you._

_on and on and on we pray  
>that we can break into a brighter day<br>nothing worth anything  
>ever goes down easy<em>

_on and on and on we go  
>though i don't understand this winding road<br>nothing worth anything  
>ever goes down easy<em>

_if there's one thing that i need to hear from you  
>is how we gonna see this through<br>how we gonna see this through_

I make sure I'm looking at her for the next part because maybe, just _maybe_, she will realize that I really mean it. Maybe she will give me a sign that she feels the same and that I'm not completely crazy when I think our intense stares and how much we care for each other mean more than just friendship.

_if there's one thing that i know to be true  
>is that i'm in love with you<br>is that i'm in love with you_

_and i don't care if everyone knows  
>what we're going through<br>'cause all the roads lead back to you_

_and we'll keep on keep on climbing  
>on down this narrow line<br>so we can see the other side  
>the other side<em>

_on and on and on we pray  
>that we can break into a brighter day<br>nothing worth anything  
>ever goes down easy<em>

_on and on and on we go  
>though i don't understand this winding road<br>nothing worth anything  
>ever goes down easy<em>

x

The trip is tiring and lasts thirteen hours with all the stops we choose to make but it's also incredibly fun. My dad tells his jokes and I'm glad my friends understand his sense of humor. Finn hadn't and it had been a completely disaster. But then again, what _does_ Finn ever understands?

It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon when New York appears in front of us. I gasp. It doesn't matter how many times I come here (or if I move here), I will always be amazed.

We go to our hotel and settle our things there. Dad lets us know that he is going to pay a visit to a friend of his but will be back for dinner and so should we.

Kurt and Blaine decide to go to Brooklyn and I drag Quinn to, of course, Broadway. We will be going there again tomorrow night for a show. Because; A – Quinn has never seen it and that's simply not acceptable and B – Rachel Berry doesn't go to New York and _not_ watch a Broadway show, but I want her to look at in daylight.

Her reaction is perfect and I fall a little more in love.

We start to walk down 6th Avenue. Arms linked and a smile on our faces. We are quiet for a long time, just appreciating what's around us and enjoying each other's company when I break the silence, ''Being here with you'' she turns her head to look at me and scrunches her eyebrows up adorably, ''and the boys'' I add shyly, ''is kinda perfect you know? For a few moments I forget about tomorrow and I feel'', I pause, trying to find the right word to describe it, ''free.''

''Really?'' she asks, ''you don't wish Finn was here?"

I notice a certain abhorrence in the way she says his name but let it go. ''No.'' I tell her truly, ''I thought I couldn't do it without him but I can. He always made me feel guilty for wanting all of this. He made me feel ashamed even, for wanting to come to New York and follow the dream I have had ever since I was a toddler.''

''Then it's a good thing you are done.'' Her grip on my coat gets tighter, ''you are done right? Because I saw him going after you a couple of times this week.''

I giggle because yes, I'm so done with Finn and also because we almost didn't spoke during the week and she still _saw_ me, ''Yes Quinn. Finn and I are over for good. I don't want to be with someone who only holds me back and makes me feel terrible for being who I am. I spent a very long time trying to be his perfect little girlfriend; so much that I almost lost myself along the way. I think I was after a fairytale. I thought that the only way I was ever going to be happy was with that boy by my side. But that's not the reality of things.''

She smiles, ''Great. And you can do it you know? Rachel Berry, Broadway super star. The world will never know what hit them.''

I blush. Her confidence in me has always made me feel – invincible. I lean on her, ''Thank you. Now come on, I need to buy you some ridiculous New York hat.''

''Rach you don't need to.''

''Of course I do! It's your first time in New York! Well, technically it isn't but you know what I mean so let's go! Let's make fools of ourselves.'', before she has the chance to deny my request, I start running and dragging her along by the hand. She doesn't seem to object though, and follows my lead.

We spend the day walking around and I do buy her the hat. By the time we get back to the hotel is already dark. We meet the boys and Dad at the restaurant. The food is delicious and the talk is easy and light. I realize in that moment that I truly am happy. More than I have been in a while. I feel _good_. I feel like Rachel Barbra Berry again.

We say goodnight to Dad and part ways; heading to our rooms – mine and Kurt's and hers and Blaine's; because Dad thought it was best if the boys weren't in the same room together…

A little after 10pm I'm already settle on my bed reading a book so sleep can come. I see Kurt leaving the bathroom and getting a backpack, ''Kurt… where are you going?''

''You honestly think I will be able to sleep without Blaine next to me? I'm a nervous wreck Rachel. I need my boyfriend. I know your father had the best intensions when he put us in separated bedrooms but I just can't. You don't mind do you?''

''No, of course I don't. I get it really. Just be back before seven okay?''

''I will. And I'll be sending Quinn your way as well.''

''Okay…''

He winks at me and says ''Goodnight Rachel'' over his shoulder before closing the door.

x

''You won't ever change will you? Silly me to think this version of you would be any different.''

''What's that supposed to mean?'' I frown. How did this fight start again?

''Memory lost or not you are still the same close up girl who won't let anyone in.'' she acknowledges, throwing her arms in the air.

I roll my eyes, ''I let you in!''. I know that's not completely true. I got myself into this mess when I refused to tell her what was wrong the moment I stepped into the room. I'm not good at expressing my feelings correctly. And for what I have learned about my past; I have never been good at that. I keep everything bottled inside. I wonder what happens when, eventually, I explode.

''No you don't! You talk but you never really say the things that need to be said and you still won't let me help you when it's obviously tearing you apart! And I'm trying Quinn, I swear I am but I can't do anything if you don't meet me halfway.''

We both sigh at the same time. And then there's the silence and the staring. The way she looks at me makes me feel completely vulnerable. It's like she can see inside of me. My soul. And I _hate_ it at the same time I _need_ it. I need her looking at me like that forever.

''You are my trigger Rachel.'', I let it out.

She looks at me confused, ''What?''

''_You _are what triggers my memories. I got to that conclusion the other day talking to my shrink. Every time I'm too close to you it happens and it makes me a little bit more terrified because, what will it be this time? Another disappointment? Or will it be another memory that makes no sense at all? And what does it _mean_?'', I pause and she is still holding my gaze; she doesn't even blink, ''Do you understand? You are so goddam important to me that being around you brings my memories back, one by one.''

''Quinn I –''

''No. Don't.'', my voice now is nothing more than a whisperer, I'm just too exausted. ''I'm trying too. I really am but what do you except from me? Honestly?'' I turn around and grab my coat while she tries to catch up, ''I'm going for a walk.''

Something seems to rouse inside of her and she takes two steps towards me, ''Quinn it's almost midnight.''

''Yes and you should sleep. You have your big day tomorrow super star. Don't worry, I will be safe.''

x

It's one am and Quinn still isn't back. And I should be sleeping because she was probably just on the lobby avoiding me; but how the hell can I? I woke up thirty minutes after I closed my eyes because of a nightmare. I have never had nightmares, not before her accident anyway. But now, they are a constant in my life.

My future made of Broadway and musical teather, depends on tomorrow. But I can't rest till she's here. I just can't stop thinking about her.

Especially not after that nightmare.

The door opens and I see Quinn making her way to her bed, ''Wait'', comes out of my mouth before I can stop it. Would it be too much to ask her what I want to?

''Hey'', her voice is soft and sweet, ''why are you still up?''

''Couldn't sleep.''

''Rachel.'', she mutters.

''I was worried about you.''

''I'm fine Rach, go to sleep now.''

''Ok. But can you come here for a second?'', She gets closer and sits down on my bed, near my ankles, ''what is it?'', she asks quietly.

''Can you lay down with me so I can sleep knowing you are safe?

She sighs, ''It's a small bed.''

''Who cares?''

She doesn't say anything else and slips under the covers. When her body touches mine a shiver runs down my spine and soon her warmth is all I can feel. ''Quinn I'm sorry I – '' I start, but she cuts me off; ''Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for. We will talk okay? I promise we will. Just not tonight.''

Tiredness starts to take over me; Quinn has her arm around my waist and unlike my dream, I can feel her heart beating and her lungs filling with air.

She is _alive._

x

''Rachel.'' I call. She groans and I bite my lower lip trying to ignore how freaking gorgeous and sexy she looks - and _sounds_ - right now. ''Rach'', I say again, louder this time and it seems to work; she opens her eyes and stares back at me. I am still fully against her back and our legs are intertwined. I smile, ''Good morning.''

''Morning.'' she says back. I move away from her and get up, I can feel her eyes on me before I hear her voice, ''What time is it?'', she asks me.

''Seven. You still have three hours to your audition and Kurt should be here anytime now.''

There's a knock on the door. Four actually. With rhythm. I roll my eyes and she laughs, ''Will you open it while I take a quick shower and change?''

I nod and watch as she grabs her bag and enters the bathroom. I walk over to the door and open it. Kurt and Blaine stand there; already dressed and grinning, ''Good morning Quinn.'', the shorter boy says.

''Good morning guys, Come on it. Rachel is in the bathroom.''

''What time does she want to leave?'' Blaine asks me while Kurt examines the room. _Shit_. My bed (or rather, his bed) is untouched. I avoid his raised eyebrows and focus on his boyfriend's question, ''I don't know exactly, but knowing Rachel I think in one hour or so.''

''Ok. Good.'', he says and smiles at me. I try to smile back but I catch the smirk Kurt is sending my way and swallow slowly. I don't know why but him knowing or assuming something bothers me. Not because I'm afraid of someone finding out my feelings for Rachel but because I don't want to share what I have with her with anyone else. I'm selfish like that.

''Well.'', Kurt starts, breaking the awkward silence, ''We will be at the restaurant eating breakfast with Mr. Berry. Meet us when you are ready.'' I nod and open the door so they can leave. When I'm alone again I lean on the wall behind me, close my eyes and sigh.

It's in this position that Rachel finds me when she gets out of her shower. I drop my head to my shoulder and look at her. She is wearing a white dress and her hair is molded in these perfect little waves that show you just how beautiful this girl is. She looks up, meeting my eyes and blushes adorably, ''Could you help me? The zipper.'', she tries to point at her back and I smile.

''Of course.'', I make my way around her. She gathers her hair and moves it out of the way. I'm left with my mouth open; gasping for air - and probably drooling - because her skin _glows._ It's this perfect tone of brown and I have the urge to move forward and kiss her whole body._  
><em>

But I can't.

I take a deep breath and reach for the zip. Closing it up and taking the temptation away. ''All done'', my voice is rusky and I clear my throat, ''I'm gonna hit the shower now ok?'', A cold one that is. She nods and I pratically run towards the bathroom.

x

* * *

><p>Song used in this chapter: ''On and On'' by Mat Kearney<p>

**A/N:** Have you noticed that almost all of his songs are perfect for Faberry because I have and that makes me sob all the time.

I'm sorry for ending the chapter where I did. It's just that I have to sleep but I wanted to update so I hope it's good enough for you. I hate Glee right now (more than I ever did) because they have completely destroyed Rachel Berry's character in my opinion and if I didn't love Lea and Dianna as much as I do I would quit that fucking show lol I'm sorry for any typos as well (:


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Let me start by saying... I'm sorry, again, for taking so freaking long to update. I hope you are still interested in this story and that you like this chapter.

* * *

><p><em>"This is how we go on: one day at a time, one meal at a time, one pain at a time, one breath at a time.'' - <em>Stephen King

x

There are tons of reasons why I should walk away. The main one being she isn't the girl I spent the last 3 years of my life trying to be friend. But still, she _is_ that girl. Just a little bit different. She still manages to understand my moods and random ramblings. She still makes me laugh and loosen up a little bit. She still believes in me more than I do. She is still the smart, sexy, adorable girl I had a crushed on sophomore year. And if I could go back in time, I would wrap my arms around her neck and finally discover what it feels like to have her lips on mine. I would take her confession in and try to put all my feelings into one kiss.

One kiss would have changed everything.

I would be in that car with her; escaping my weeding, probably on the way to her house and she wouldn't have been in that intersection where a truck almost killed her. But you can't change your past. You can regret it of course, and always ask yourself the 'what ifs' that may ruin you, but change it? No.

We meet Blaine, Kurt and my dad for breakfast. The tension in the air is overwhelming but the silence isn't uncomfortable. I'm incredibly focused on our ride to where the callback will take place, but the confidence I have been feeling for the past days, weeks, months and even years, starts to fade away. I feel like a little kid, trapped in a dark room; all alone while the big monster she is so afraid of comes to get her.

I don't realize I'm shaking until Quinn grabs my hand. She puts it between hers and on her lap; kindly caressing it with her thumb. A breath rasps from my throat and escapes my lips. She meets my eyes and frowns, ''Are you okay? Your palms went from shaking to sweating.''

I try not to blush. _It's the effect of having your skin touching mine_. ''Yeah, I'm just nervous.''

She smiles and kisses my cheek, ''You will blow them away Rachel.''

I close my eyes and sigh. How can she believe so much in me?

x

''Rachel Berry!'' the man calls my name and I swear I can feel my heart stop. I look to my right and see Blaine and Kurt smiling my way. I try to smile back but I'm sure I just look really creepy.

I'm terrified.

I get up and turn to find blonde hair and worry eyes. Quinn's still sitting but doesn't let go of my hand she has been holding since we got into the car. I don't know if she did it only for me first, but for her too, I have noticed how agitated she gets around vehicles. ''Do you want to come and watch?'' I ask her. My voice sounds like a child's insecure cry.

She looks surprise, probably because I had verbally prohibitten my dad and the boys from going inside. ''Do you want me there?'' she asks unsure.

''Yes'', I answer truly. She grins and gets up from her seat; tightening the grip on my hand, ''Then let's go super star.''

The nickname makes me smile. We walk to the entrance, she gives me a hug and a kiss on the right cheek – it's the second time she does it today; not that I'm complaining; just counting – before making her way to sit in the audience. I see the advisors. Two men and a woman. They are NYADA most famous creations. And they look bored.

I take a deep breath and make my way to the center of the stage. This is it. The chance I have waited for my whole life. The chance to be the star I have always dreamed of being; the chance to shine brighter than the sun. I put on my show face, ''Hello my name is Rachel Berry.''

''Ms. Berry. How would you like to start your audition?"

''With my monologue. It's from the wondrous, beautifully written; The Hunchback Of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo. And then I will be singing 'Don't Rain On My Parade', from my favorite musical, 'Funny Girl'.

''Well'', the woman says, ''let's hear it.''

I smile shyly and fix my dress. I close my eyes and prepare myself. I open them again after a few seconds and they involuntary fall on Quinn. She is looking at me. My old self would be baffled if she could see this scene. Quinn Fabray being the only person in the world I want in this room. Quinn Fabray, Ice Queen of Mckinley, Head Cheerleader and HBIC is the one I want always looking at me. The girl I wanted to be but now want to be_ with._ The girl who is the prettiest one I have ever met but still, is so much more than that.

I focus on the hazel eyes of the person who made me believe I am meant for more than just a small town in Ohio, I open my mouth and give everything I have in these lines;

_''I do not love thee, my Phoebus? What art thou saying, wicked man, to break my heart? Oh, take me! take all! do what you will with me, I am thine. What matters to me the amulet! What matters to me my mother! 'Tis thou who art my mother since I love thee! Phoebus, my beloved Phoebus, dost thou see me? 'Tis I. Look at me; 'tis the little one whom thou wilt surely not repulse, who comes, who comes herself to seek thee. My soul, my life, my body, my person, all is one thing-which is thine, my captain. Well, no! We will not marry, since that displeases thee; and then, what am I? a miserable girl of the gutters; whilst thou, my Phoebus, art a gentleman. A fine thing, truly! A dancer wed an officer! I was mad. No, Phoebus, no; I will be thy mistress, thy amusement, thy pleasure, when thou wilt; a girl who shall belong to thee. I was only made for that, soiled, despised, dishonored, but what matters it?-beloved. I shall be the proudest and the most joyous of women. And when I grow old or ugly, Phoebus, when I am no longer good to love you, you will suffer me to serve you still. Others will embroider scarfs for you; 'tis I, the servant, who will care for them. You will let me polish your spurs, brush your doublet, dust your riding-boots. You will have that pity, will you not, Phoebus? Meanwhile, take me! here, Phoebus, all this belongs to thee, only love me! We gypsies need only air and love.''_

And when I'm finished, I put all my emotions into my song. The song I have sung since I could form words. A song that defines the part of me that people often see as selfishness: my ambition, my drive.

_Don't tell me not to live  
>Just sit and putter<br>Life's candy  
>And the sun's a ball of butter<br>Don't bring around a cloud  
>To rain on my parade.<em>

So many people told me; 'You're never gonna make it.'

_Don't tell me not to fly  
>I simply got to<br>If someone takes a spill  
>It's me and not you<br>Who told you  
>You're allowed to rain on my parade.<em>

'You are not good enough.'

_I'll march my band out  
>I'll beat my drum<br>And if I'm fanned out  
>Your turn at that, sir<br>At least I didn't fake it  
>Hat, sir<br>I guess I didn't make it_

'You are not pretty enough. Or talented, face it.'

_But whether I'm the rose  
>Of sheer perfection<br>A freckle on the nose  
>Of life's complexion<br>The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye_

'You are just a weirdo. You shouldn't be allowed on the streets.'

_I gotta fly once  
>I gotta try once<br>Only can die once, right, sir_

They bullied me. Tortured me. Made me feel worthless and hopeless.

_Ooh, life is juicy, juicy and you see  
>I gotta have my bite, sir<em>

And all I wanted was to prove them wrong. I _needed_ to prove them wrong, and that's the reason why I held my head high.

_Get ready for me love  
>Cause I'm a "comer"<br>I simply gotta march  
>My heart's a drummer<br>Don't bring around a cloud  
>To rain on my parade.<em>

Rachel Barbra Berry had no friends, so she grabbed her dream and made it her life.

_I'm gonna live and live now  
>Get what I want, I know how<br>One roll for the whole shebang  
>One throw that bell will go clang<br>Eye on the target and wham!  
>One shot, one gun shot and bam<br>Hey Mister Arnstein, here I am!_

But life is one funny bitch. Because now she gets to have both. And maybe even more. Maybe she will get the chance to find out what true love really means.

_I'll march my band out  
>I'll beat my drum<br>And if I'm fanned out  
>Your turn at that, sir<br>At least I didn't fake it  
>Hat, sir<br>I guess I didn't make it_

Or maybe she already has.

_Get ready for me love  
>Cause I'm a "comer"<br>I simply gotta march  
>My heart's a drummer<br>Nobody, no nobody  
>Is gonna rain on my parade<em>

I finish it and look back at the judges. The woman has a smile on her face while she writes something on her papers and one of the men seems almost in tears.

I grin. I _did _it. I didn't choke. I owned the song better than I ever have.

They say I'm free to go and that I would be hearing from them soon. I thank them for their time and make my way to the door. When I'm half way through opening it Quinn appears beside me and wraps her arms around my waist. I bury my face in her neck, ''You were perfect Rach. I even cried. You are amazing.''

We stand in each other's embrace for a while before Kurt appears, ''My turn now.''

I give him a hug, ''You will be incredible, and soon we both will be pursuing our dreams as students of the greatest school in the country.''

''I love you Rachel Berry.''

I smile, ''I love you too. Now go and make me proud.''

x

''You still have nightmares?'', she whispers the question after minutes of silence. We are sitting on the same bed we slept last night. After hers and Kurt's audition we went out to eat some lunch and then came back to the hotel. Now we have a few hours to kill before getting ready for the musical, ''Yes almost every night.'', I answer.

''What are they… about?"

I sigh. I did promise her I would talk. ''The accident.'' I start, ''Most of the times. I'm stuck in the wreckage. I feel claustrophobic. I feel scared. I feel sad. I can taste the blood. I can feel the pain from my broken rib. I feel my head spinning and my sight is blurry. Then I see the paramedics and firefighters arriving. They rescue me and lay me down on the ground on a stretcher. They puncture my arm and start me on some kind of medicine that one of them say it's going to make me feel better. But it doesn't, it just makes me feel even more dizzy and anxious. My heart beats fast. I turn my head and my car is on fire. The firefighters are trying to contain it. I start to panic, but I can't move. I want to scream but I don't seem to able to make a sound. And then I focus on the flames and everything turns black. I wake up shaking and sweating. Or I stay stuck, not able to escape my unconscious.'' I stare at the book in my hands during my speech and when I finally allow my eyes to look at her again, ''Rachel, why are you crying?"

''I – I'm so sorry Quinn. So sorry I'm so sorry –'' she is sobbing violently and just shaking her head while murmuring the same words over and over again.

''Rach come here.'', I drop my copy of 'Bag of Bones' on the desk next to the bed and move closer. I put my arms around her. She buries her face on my neck, ''It's my fault. You were in that car because of me. You were texting me. I'm so sorry I ruined your life.'' She breathes out through the tears and my heart breaks. Does she really think that?

''Rachel, you didn't ruin my life. Yes, I have lost my memories and it sucks, but you have been amazing to me, you are my best friend and it is not your fault. Hey, look at me.''

She pulls away so I can see her face again. Her eyes are red and it amazes me how beautiful she looks even when she has tears streaming down her face. I brush her hair from her cheeks and make sure I'm looking into brown eyes before speaking, ''It is not your fault. I was the one driving. I was the one _texting_ while driving. It doesn't matter what led me there, I still should have been paying attention. I'm the only one to blame. So stop okay? You are the one helping me recover. You are my rock.''

''You really don't resent me for being reason you were in that car?''

''Of course I don't. Stop blaming yourself super star.''

The nickname makes her grin. It always does. That's why I have been using it so much today, to see that perfect smile.

''Okay.'', she says taking a deep breath, ''I'm okay. Keep talking.''

''Can you promise me you won't start crying again?'' I can't handle tears falling from her eyes again.

She puts her tongue out and bites it playfully, ''No.''

We laugh, ''Okay, so let's talk about something less tragic than my accident. Glee club?''

''_How_ is that _any_ less tragic?''

''Rachel!'' I poke her and she starts giggling again, ''Please don't tickle me! What do you want to know about our lovely choral?"

I smile at how adorable she is being. A few minutes ago she was a sobbing mess and I'm glad I managed to turn it around, ''Nothing in particular… I joined so I could spy on you for coach Sylvester correct?''

''Yes, but then you realized we were actually awesome and that you loved performing.'', she proudly declares.

''And you were there for me… when I got pregnant and my dad kicked me out.''

''Yeah, I guess you can say our friendship started at that point. You changed. You let me and all the others see a side of you that until then was hidden and we were there to support you. I'm sure you already know you stayed at Mercedes' house for a while, and Finn's too.''

''Because he thought he was the father.'' She nods, ''Even though we never slept together.'', She nods again, ''Why did we both date him again? I mean, from what I have heard and _seen..._ he is dumb.''

''He is… intellectually… challenged. It was hard to talk to him sometimes.''

''Sometimes?''

''Yeah, there were a lot of days when he just pretended to listen and never said anything.''

''Those were the good days I bet.''

She looks at me holding her laughter until she can't do it anymore, ''You are so mean!''

I open my mouth dramatically and try to look offended, ''I'm not!''

''Yes you are!''

I roll my eyes, ''You love me anyway.''

''Yeah... I-I do.'', she states.

She looks at me expectantly. She is blushing adorably and I feel the same impulse I have felt many times before. I could do it. Right now. Kiss her. My heart physically shudders and I swallow thickly, ''I love you too.'', I say. And the moment passes. She smiles and kisses my cheek; just like I kissed hers three or four times today, and leaves the bed, ''We should watch a movie on your computer. Do you have anything good?'', she screams from the bathroom.

''Yeah!'' I yell back.

x

We are sitting on our designated chairs and the curtains are about to open. Rachel's hand is on my lap; holding mine. It seems that it has become a habit, an silent agreement between the two of us: physical contact every time it can be arranged. Not that I mind. ''Prepared to be amazed?'', she asks me giggling.

''After seeing you in that stage today it will be hard to impress me but yes.'', I sound incredibly cheesy but her smile gets even bigger and it's worth it.

* * *

><p><strong>SongReferences: '**Don't Rain On My Parade' from Funny Girl. 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' (Esmeralda's Monologue) by Victor Hugo. 'Bag of Bones' by Stephen King.


	11. Chapter 11

x

''Have you decided what you guys are doing for prom yet? Its happening soon right?'', my Dad asks without taking his eyes of the road. I'm surprise he managed to control himself and not mention it till now.

Kurt shrugs, ''Yes, it's next Friday but, even though I kinda of _need_ to go to crown the next queen, I don't think I'll be attending after last year's disaster.''

Dad sighs but gives the boy a little nod. He understands it better than he wishes he did, ''Come on Kurt. You can't let them ruin it for you. Graduating High School is something you only get to do once; you need to celebrate it with your friends. Besides, after what happened with David Karofsky I don't think anyone will do anything. No one wants that kinda of guilt on their shoulders.''

I nod, ''I think Dad is right Kurt, you and Blaine should go.''

He pouts, but I can see is he considering it. A night meant for you to dress up and dance? How could _Kurt_ ever say no to that? ''What about you?" he asks from the front seat.

''I don't know. I'm not exactly excited about it and it's not like I have anyone to go with.''

''You have us!'' Blaine declares, I know he is excited about it, he is _Blaine_, he is even happy about all the singing Glee club is gonna have to do during it, ''We should all go together; the four of us!''

I look at Quinn; she hasn't said anything since we left and I can tell something is not right. I turn my attetion to Blaine, ''I will get back to you on that.''

When they get distracted by a sports car that passes by I focus on Quinn again, ''What is wrong?" I ask.

The answer comes in a whisper, ''Nothing.'', She tries to smile and it would fool me if we weren't so close. I know what her real smile looks like, ''Quinn, tell me.''

She closes her eyes and takes three deep breaths, ''I- I think I'm having a- a pa-panic attack.''

My eyes widen, ''Dad!'', I shout, ''Stop the car.''

''Rachel what-'', I don't give him the chance to finish his sentence, ''Now!''

He pulls over and my attention is back on Quinn. She is trying to catch her breath and all the color has evaded her cheeks; she is as white as a ghost. I do the only thing I can think of and get out of the car. I stand outside, holding on to the door while she stares at the celling, ''Quinn?" I call her name and she jumps in her seat. She looks at me with teary eyes and next thing I know she is moving forward.

I manage to catch her and lead her to the ground somewhat slowly. She holds her hair up as the breakfast she had eaten earlier at the hotel makes an appearance. I hate throwing up, or watching others do it, but I swallow the uncomfortable feeling inside of my stomach and focus on caressing Quinn's back and telling her everything is okay.

After a while, she moves again, I help her sit down on the grass – away from the unexpected guess of course – and kneel down next to her, ''Do you want something for the nausea?'' I ask.

She gives me a half smile, ''Do you have something that will make me sleep and forget this ever happened?''

I grin because she is still shaking but at least she is speaking, ''Well, it won't take any more of your memories away but it will certainly make you sleepy.''

She nods, ''I accept.''

I turn to my Dad, who I now notice is standing close to us with worried eyes, ''Dad, can you please find the water bottle and the first aid kit?''

He seems to think about it for a moment before moving, ''Sure.''

I look back at Quinn. She is hugging herself; the scene breaks my heart at the same time I have to fight the urge to say _own_. I put an arm around her shoulder quietly trying not to scare her, ''My dad will bring you the medication in a minute. I have a backpack with drugs, food, water, flashlight and a few other things one may need when traveling. It's mostly just for precaution, in case we end up lost in the middle of nowhere with no one to save us…'' My brain catches up with my mouth and I stop, ''Sorry! I am… rambling. I always do that when I'm nervous. Actually I always do that not matter what I am feeling. Finn always complained… And I will just shut up now.''

She looks at me unexpectedly, ''No! Keep talking.'', she snuggles in closer and whispers: ''Please.''

''Ok. You have been around me long enough to know I usually can't _not_ talk'' I sigh, speaking. Ok. I can do that. I'm Rachel Berry after all, ''Anyway, I like to have all those things in the car because dying from dehydration or starvation must be really absenting and uncomfortable. Also, is good to have a knife and flashlight because a serial killer may find you and attack you. Which can't be much fun either.'' Quinn laughs and I smile. I don't even know what is coming out of my mouth but if this is what she needs than who cares?

Dad walks towards me and hands over the small bag, ''Here you go.'' I remove my arm from Quinn just long enough to find the pill and give it to her along with the bottle of water. She washes her mouth and swallows the medication. When she is back on leaning on me, I return the items to my father and smile, ''Thanks. We will be back in the car soon.''

He nods, ''Take your time.''

I notice Quinn has stopped shaking and I'm about to ask if she is feeling better when she says, ''Keep talking.''

She rests her head on my shoulder and I do as I am told, ''So… Prom. Well, I'm sure you will be one of the candidates, alongside with Santana, for prom queen, so you should go. We can go shopping for a dress this week if you want to, and I think Puck and at least ten more boys are going to ask you to be their date so I would totally understand if you wanna join one of them. Then, I wouldn't go because being a third wheel is not fun. Finn asked me, but I don't want to go with him and I'm not even excited about it so…yeah.'' I take a deep breath, ''We can talk to Kurt and he can help out with the dress search, he has great taste, if he wasn't so gifted and had a voice that can almost hit notes higher than I can, he would make a great stylist.''

''I agree.'', she is looking at me with a smile, ''I'm feeling a lot better, and almost falling asleep.'' If her voice is any indication of that; she is about to pass out. I look at my Dad's direction, ''Can you help me? I don't think I can lift her up without making us both fall on our asses.'', I hear Quinn's laughter and I giggle, the medication is definitely hitting her.

Dad helps me to get her in the car and I put the seat belt around her, ''Thanks'', she says to me, and her voice is so sweet and baby-like it makes me fall a little more in love.

x

''Noise. Why is there noise coming from my right side?'' I groan and open my eyes, rolling on my bed to see my cellphone screen lighten up. I grab it and press the green button, ''Hello?"

''Hey Quinn, its Santana.'', says the voice, ''Please tell me I did not wake you up.''

I give her a half laughter, ''Hi, Santana. You kinda did.''

''Shit! Sorry! I just ran into Rachel so I decided to call you.'' She says in a rush.

I look at the clock on the wall and smile, ''It's okay, it's past four, I shouldn't still be in bed anyway. What's up?''

''Well, like I said, I ran into Rachel some minutes ago and we – actually she and Brittany – decided to do a movie afternoon slash night. Are you in?''

''Oh.'', I consider it. I feel like absolute crap but I do want to hang out with them, and besides, I need to apologize and thank Rachel, ''Sure, where?''

''At Brittany's. Do you want me to pick you up?''

''No it's okay, my mom can take me.'' She just won't.

''Okay. See you there.''

''See you.'' I hang up and lay back down. My head is exploding. My throat is dry and I have a terrible taste in my mouth; just washing it up with water wasn't very neat. I sigh. I cannot believe I freaked out like that; in front of Rachel, her father, Kurt and Blaine. I thought I had it under control but obviously didn't. I hate appearing weak. I hate needing others. But I have to admit that I'm not exactly angry at the fact that she was the one who took care of me. I loved the way she hold me and distracted me. The sound of her voice made my heart settle when usually that very same sound is the one who makes it beat faster.

There's a knock on the door and my mother soon enters my room, ''I thought I heard your voice. How are you feeling?''

''I'm fine, just need to take a shower and brush my teeth.''

She smiles, ''That's good. Who was it on the phone?''

''Oh, Santana; asking if I wanted to go to Brittany's house. Movie night.''

''Okay. Do you need me to drive you? I can wait for you if you are quick'', she offers.

I give her a big fake smile, ''No need. Santana is picking me up.'', Brittany's house isn't very far from my place. Twenty minutes walking. I'm not ready to enter a car and the exercise will be good for me.

My mom nods, ''Okay then, I'm heading to church. Like I told you before, I will be there till at least night o'clock. Call me when it's time to pick you up okay? Have fun dear.''

She waves and blows me a kiss, ''Thanks.'', I answer as she closes the door. I stay in bed till I hear the sound of her car leaving the garage.

Time to change and walk.

x

I ring the doorbell and then hear footsteps from inside the house. Soon there's a smiling blonde in front of me pulling me in for a hug. A tight one. ''Rachel you are here!'' she practically screams.

I grin as she releases me, ''Hi Britt.''

We walk inside and I notice Quinn has already arrived and is in the living room with Santana, I say hello and Santana is out of the couch, ''Hey Berry.'', she gives me a quick hug, ''Me and Britt will get the popcorn ready. Make yourself at home.''

''Ok'', I watch her go and take my time with turning around, I don't know what to say or do around Quinn; probably ask her how she is doing. She has been on my mind all day – nothing new there – and I wanted to call but didn't want to bother. But before I have the chance to open my mouth I hear her angelic voice, ''Hey Rach. How are you?''

She is smiling at me and all I manage to do is mimic the action, ''I'm… fine. You? Feeling any better?''

''Yeah I guess so. Look,'' she gets up from the couch and talks while moving her hands, ''I'm sorry for causing trouble and ruining your trip. And I wanted to thank you for taking care of me.''

She is blushing. She is absolutely adorable, ''It's okay Quinn. Really. I'm glad you let me. And you didn't ruin the trip'', I take a deep breath and a steep forward, ''In fact, you made it better so thank you for going.''

''It was my pleasure. Now… about prom. I may or may not remember hearing you say you don't want to go. I'm hoping I can change your mind.''

''And how are you going to do that?''

''By asking you to go with me? I don't wanna go with some random dude or even with Puck and since you don't wanna go with Finn I was thinking we could go together.''

Wait, is this really happening?, ''Are you sure?''

''Of course I am Rach.''

Never in my life I would have dreamed about this moment happening. Ok, that's a lie. But I never thought it could actually happen. So I steal my dream-self line: ''Then yes, I will go to prom with you Quinn Fabray.''

She gives me a smile and bites her lip in a way I swear is going to kill me, ''Good. Can I give you a hug?'', the question is quietly asked and takes me by surprise. Again. She is always taking me by surprise. I manage to nod between giggles. She walks till me carefully and puts her arms around my waist while I put mine around her neck. This is familiar territory. Especially for me; this is how all of our hugs have happened till this day. It's sad she doesn't remember but I'm down to making new memories.

Minutes pass but neither of us wants to let go. I really don't mind. She smells like sun and vanilla. She fits perfectly in me. The sound of a cleaning throat coming from behind me is what breaks the contact, ''Sorry to interrupt but we got a movie to watch.''

Lopez. If you weren't one of my best friends I would definitely kill you.

Quinn makes a face. I can't help but grin, ''So…what are we watching?''

''Batman Begins and after that, The Dark Knight'', Santana declares. I can see she is proud of herself, ''Q here doesn't remember the awesomeness of it so we have the obligation to show it to her before watching the third one in the teather.''

''Oh Santana if people knew how much of a nerd you actually are.''

She gives me her famous smirk, ''Well… they don't. And won't, because you know that if you ever open that pretty little mouth of yours to anyone you will be as dead as a wall.''

''As a wall? Really? That's the best you got Lopez?'', I love to see her groan when I tease.

Quinn rolls her eyes at our little scene and then laughs, ''Can we please introduce me to Batman now?''

I smile at her, ''Yes!'', I offer my hand and she takes it, which makes my smile grow even larger. We sit on the couch while Santana puts in the DVD and Brittany comes into the room with the popcorn, ''Does anyone want something to drink? I can go get it.''

I look around the room and see Quinn and Santana shaking their heads, ''No, we are good Britt, thanks.''

She nods and join us on the couch, which Santana also does after a minute, ''Ok! Let's get this party started.''

x

''Why did I agree to this again?''

She is pouting and I laugh, ''Probably because you had eaten like, dozens of chocolates – without lactose of course – and was really excited because of Christian Bale, so somehow, you thought it would be fun.''

''Please stop me next time I feel the need to do that.''

I nod, ''Will do. Now… which one should I try on?''

''The purple and the blue.''

''Thank you wise voice coming from the beyond but she was asking me so…''

''Shut it Berry, you may have improved your closet but I'm still the most qualified person here to help you all choose your dresses.''

''Excuse me!'' Kurt protests, ''That's a lie.'' They start an argument about who is the best and I roll my eyes at Rachel, ''A simple question causes this mess.''

She giggles, ''Yes. But I agree with Santana, you should try out the purple and the blue ones.''

I sigh, ''Okay, what about you? I really liked the red.'' I think she will look extremely sexy on it too but leave that part out.

''Really?''

''Yeah…''

''Okay. Try yours and then I will try the red.''

I smile, ''Deal.'', and walk towards the tester.

I have the two dresses in my hands and decide to put the purple one on first. It's longer than most and really simple, but quite beautiful. The blue one is shorter but not enough to show the big ugly scars I have on my thigh. And the necklines on both of them are big but not till the point of making me uncomfortable.

The team decides on the blue one and it's time for Rachel to try hers.

My jaw hits the floor when she comes to show us. It's cliche but oh so true. It marks all the right curves and her cleavage in a way that makes me want to die - the good type of death. She is smiling at me. Wait, not smiling. Smirking. And her mouth just moved - what did she say?

''What?'', I ask aloud.

She laughs, ''What do think? Technically you are my date, your opinion is important.''

Date? Really? This girl is gonna be the death of me - literally in this case.

''I-I think you look amazing.'' Nice Fabray.

I hear giggling from the other side of the room but can't take my eyes of Rachel. Friday is going to be a long and awesome night.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: If I say I'm sorry AGAIN will it make it better? I have no excuse other than not having time. I wanted to finish this story before my winter break was over but I have three more days before school starts again and I hate everything. Hope you liked this chapter though.

And I apologize for any mistakes I may commit. I am carefull when I write and I do edit. Three or four times each chapter but english is not my first language so sometimes I may miss a few things. Thoughts?


	12. Chapter 12

''No! No speeches Fabray! Just go dance!'', Principal Figgins doesn't sound happy about the fact I simply took the microphone away from Santana's hand the minute he handed it over to her; so I step aside and then turn my attention back to the crow; a lot of confused looks are being thrown my way. I ignore them.

''I would like to say thanks to all of you for giving me this crown; it's an honor and according to my friends, something I have always wanted. But, I don't think I'm the one who really deserves this so, if you will excuse me – and if this doesn't please you, please; _try_ to stop me.'' Santana comes behind me, she seems just as confused as anyone in the room but she is still willing to back me up.

Everybody takes a step back as I get down from the little stage sat up on the edge of the gym. I make my way to her; she looks amused. She looks gorgeous. She always does but tonight something is different, she is glowing even more than usual. The dress fits perfectly around her body and the colour somehow brings out her eyes. She is gorgeous. She is _perfect._ And I see the smirk on her lips go away the minute I place the crown on her head.

People start to whisper seconds after it. I choose to ignore them and focus on the brown eyes standing in front of me, ''You deserve this Rachel, more than anyone else, these morons just can't see it, but I can, as well as all of your friends, we wanted to change the voting, we wanted you to win but the rest of the students, as I said, are idiots and I'm sorry.'', I give her a smile and she returns it, ''You are an inspiration and the real _Queen_ here; I hope this makes you realize a little bit just how special you are.'', I give her hand a little squeeze and turn around to find Finn in the exact same position, with that stupid face of his, still trying to figure out what happened.

I sigh, ''Finn! Come here!'', He takes a few seconds to actually start moving, and it makes me want to hit him even more. When he is close enough to the point I know Rachel won't be alone even for a second I look back at her, ''Enjoy your dance with the King Rach.''

I walk away and the student body slowly starts to clap as the song starts to play. Santana is singing a Coldplay song with Sam for the _'new leaders of our school'_. I open the gym doors and find myself on an empty hallway. I still can't believe I actually did it. Not the part of giving up my crown, that didn't matter and everyone in this school could kiss my sorry ass once I am in New Haven. The part I can't get a hold of is the one where I handed her over to that giant. I should have said _something_ at least. I'm starting to get really tired of my own bullshit and how much of a coward I can be.

I get lost on that line of thought when I hear a voice calling my name. I don't have to turn to be sure about who it is but I do it anyway, trying to smile, ''The song is still going, why aren't you inside?''

She sighs deeply, ''Finn is a terrible dancer.''

I chuckle, ''I have noticed.''

''Dance with me.''

The request comes as a shock and the word 'what' comes out of my mouth before I can stop it.

''Dance with me'', this time she doesn't say it strongly like before; her voice is soft and shy, ''the song is almost over.'', she insists.

I take the hand offered to me but keep my distance so our bodies aren't touching. We start swaging to the rhythm. And the silence between us allows Santana's voice to be heard perfectly.

_Green eyes  
>You're the one that<br>I wanted to find.  
>Anyone who<br>Tried to deny you  
>Must be out of their mind<em>

_'Cause I came here with a load  
>And it feels so much lighter<br>Since I've met you.  
>And honey you should know,<br>That I could never go on,  
>Without you.<em>

The distance I was trying so hard to keep stops existing and I'm glad she can't see my face because I'm sure I'm blushing. Her heat invades my senses; I feel her chest moving against mine, I feel the air leaving her lungs; warm and deep; against my neck. It makes me want to kiss her so badly.

The song ends and we stop, only moving our bodies away so we can look at each other; without actually taking our feet of the ground and creating a distance. She looks determined and for a moment I think she is going to do it. She is going to kiss me. But of course she doesn't, a voice is heard calling her name, ''Rachel! I have been looking everywhere for you. Hey Quinn!''

Just my luck.

I keep on glaring at him and Rachel is the one to break the ice, ''Hi Finn, why did you want to find me for?"'

I wish my eyes could make a whole on his brainless head, why doesn't he just go to the Army and shoots himself?, ''I wanna talk to you but you left in the middle of the dance so I didn't get the chance.'' I huff, I'm sure the conversation includes them getting back together and married again.

''Oh, sorry Finn, I needed to find Quinn.''

''It's okay,'' he keeps on smiling sweetly at her before turning to look at me, ''That's was really nice Quinn, I don't understand why you did it but it was cool.''

I fight the urge to tell him she wouldn't be able to get it even if I draw it, ''Thank… you.'', He is back at glancing at Rachel and I feel my stomach rolling, ''Rachel, I'm going, I'll see you at Puck's later okay?''

''Wait, you are leaving?''

''Yeah but I will be there.''

''Okay.'', she sounds sad or almost disappointed. Finn yells something similar to a farewell but I choose to ignore his voice and walk out of the building without looking back.

x

''Rachel! You are here.''

''Hi Britt'', She gives me a hug but ignores the boy coming in behind me; I have the feeling she has never forgiven him for outing her girlfriend. I really can't say I blame her though.

We walk inside and say hello to our friends, as well as to a lot of people who I don't even know the names; at least half the school is here, which it is normal considering it's a party – with alcohol. After leaving Finn behind and walking around I find Santana in the kitchen, eating a slice of pizza, ''Hey Mckinley Queen, what's up?'', she gives me a hug and considering the facts we are in public, she is smiling and she is really private when it comes to showing emotion, I get to the conclusion she is a little bit drunk.

''Hi Santana, I'm good and I see you are happy.''

''Hell yeah, there is beer.''

I laugh at the face she is making, ''Do you know if Quinn is here yet?"

She smirks and bumps her hips into mine, ''She is upstairs, in Puck's room.''

I raise an eyebrow and she must notice the change on my expression, ''Alone. Go get her tiger.''

''Stop drinking!'', I shout as I walk towards the stairs. Unfortunately, from previous make out sections, I know where the boy's room is so I go straight to its door and knock on it.

I hear a familiar voice come from the inside, ''Who is it?''

''It's me, Rachel.''

After a few seconds I'm about to repeat myself, thinking maybe she couldn't hear my answer when she speaks again, ''It's unlocked.''

I step inside and see she is laying on the bed, I ignore how disgusting doing that on Puck's bed is and lay beside her, ''Hey what are you doing up her by yourself?''

''Hiding'', she laughs warmly, ''I had a little too much to drink so I'm waiting for sobriety to come back.''

She pouts and I chuckle because she looks incredibly adorable doing that, ''That's probably wise.''

''Yes, but now I'm sleepy.''

''Okay. I will let you alone then.'', I make the move to get up but she reaches for my arm before I have the chance to do it, ''Stay please,'' she asks me.

How could I ever deny you?

''Of course'', I lay back down and lose my air as she cuddles into me. She is usually angry when she drinks so I'm taken by surprise at how loving she is being.

''What did Finn want?''

''He wants to get back together – again – but I told him I hadn't changed my mind, and that I wouldn't any time soon – or ever really.''

''He never gets the hint.''

''I know. It's quite exhausting.''

''Are you sure you don't want him back?''

''We already talked about this. He is not who I want.''

''Who is it then?'', I notice she's fighting sleep and losing the battle; and only asking the question because of the alcohol running in her system. Or maybe it is just my wishful thinking, maybe it is just a friendly interest, ''Someone else. Now sleep.''

She rumbles something similar to ''Okay'', I sigh and close my eyes as well. I'm tired; extremely tired. And all I want is to tell her. All I wanted earlier after we danced was to kiss her. She did the sweetest thing. She gave up her crown for me; gave it to me. I didn't think it was possible to fall this hard for someone and keep on falling more and more every day but Quinn Fabray was once again proving me wrong.

x

It takes me a few minutes but I finally manage to wake her up; mostly because I didn't want the vision to leave my eyes – till I started to feel like a creep, ''It's almost 1am, my mom is downstairs, do you want a ride home?''

She smiles shyly, ''Yes please, Finn brought me but I don't want to spend any more time with him tonight.''

We leave Puck's bed and say goodbye to our friends who still remain at the party, and reach the car. The ride is silent if not for the low sound coming from the radio and my mother's questions concerning the celebration. When we get to Rachel's house I walk her to her door step and she gives me a hug, another one of those who come on impulses and are the best ones I could ever receive, ''Thanks for tonight Quinn. Everything. It was perfect.''

''I'm glad you had fun.''

She lets me go and I can now see the smile on her face, ''I really did.''

I breathe relief; all I wanted was for her night to be special and hopefully it had been, ''Even if you ended up sleeping through the party's after party?''

''Yes, I was in good company.''

I feel my cheeks getting warm, meaning I was once again blushing. I focus on Rachel and say good night, promising to call and let her know I was home safe

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Hope this chapter wasn't too horrible and didn't have too many mistakes! I just wrote it and didn't read it more than once because I honestly don't have the time. Next chapter will probably be the last one. Thank you for keeping on reading this!


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N**: I'M SO SORRY

READ.

* * *

><p>I should have known – probably always had deep down – that she would make it all come back to me. Because hearing her sing her heart and soul out on this stage in Chicago does the trick.<p>

The couple weeks between prom and Nationals had gone by so quickly I had barely spoken to Rachel. We both didn't really have the time. There were too many finals and school work to be done so we ended up only speaking during Glee club; for a few minutes, because the rehearsals were intense.

We decided that our set list would be first, Edge of Glory with all of the girls, which I had sang in, second the whole group with Paradise by the Dashboard Light. And the most important number, Rachel's solo, the last one: It's All Coming Back to Me.

And how appropriate is the name of the song; because it's in this moment, when she is singing that all the moments of my life come rushing back into me like a tsunami and I'm glad her solo is the final song or else I wouldn't have been able to sing my part in the girls number. Damn, I wouldn't have been able to move at all. I'm not able to move right now.

I feel my eyes closing and my head spinning, my palms are sweating and I'm not sure if I'm breathing.

Her beautiful face fills my brain, my senses. I can hear and see all of the scenes that made me who I am today. Some of them seem more like dreams and not memories but I embrace them completely, willing to go through them over and over again till I can tell if it's real or not.

You know the saying ''when you are dying your whole life flashes through your eyes?'' Well, I know now that the moment I saw the truck hitting my car the only things running through my mind were Beth, Rachel and the future I was never going to have.

Or that I thought that I was never going to have. Because I know now that I can_. That I will_.

I remember.

My heart beats. It's the only thing that I feel at the moment. It's beating as if it was trying to bet a record.

God. I _remember._

I told her. The truth. That I love her. I _actually _told her.

I open my eyes because I feel my body being shaken. I notice Rachel's voice is gone and that Tina's face is really close and her eyes show concern, ''Quinn?'' she asks, ''are you okay?''

I blink a handful of times before whispering, ''Yes.''

''Come on, we are waiting for the judges to deliberate in the room.''

I follow her into the halls with all my friends around us and I see Rachel in the front talking to Kurt. She looks at me and grins. I try to smile back but by the look on her face it doesn't turn out believable. She mouths, ''are you okay?'' and I only nod. She goes back to her conversation and I watch her from a safe distance. Not safe enough because, like she always has, she keeps meeting my eyes and giving me half smiles.

Then I remember she knows why I keep looking at her. I _told_ her why. Maybe she doesn't know that this Quinn, the one with no memory also loves her but she does have the information that I so desperately tried to hide for almost three years. And she didn't say a word about it.

x

We win. We win Nationals and for that moment I forget about everything and focus on celebrating the victory. We go out to eat. Everyone is talking and laughing and that helps with keeping things away from my thoughts.

Back at the hotel I'm in the same room as Rachel, alongside with Tina, and Mercedes was stuck with Brittany and Santana despite protesting the decision. So when I leave my room and show up at their doorstep later Santana is surprised, ''Quinn! What are you doing here? Thought you were staying with Tina and Rachel.'' Santana opens the door and I can see Brittany sitting on a chair. I smile at her and turn to my former second in command, ''I know you told Mercedes to get lost to the other girls bedroom because you want to spend time with Britt but I really – really need my best friend right now.''

She looks at me and frowns, ''Berry is your best friend.''

I don't say anything and only stare at her, tears star to fall and her eyes widens, ''Oh my God, you remember don't you? That's why you were acting all weird earlier.''

''Yes I remember,'' my voice cracks and I break down, finally allowing myself to let go of the mask I have put on the minute we walked on that stage to be nominated winners. Santana gasps and then pulls me into her arms and inside of the room, closing the door. Brittany is right there and joins in the hug.

I close my eyes, melting into the security of my friends.

x

She stands on the stage, where so many things had happened, and that she would be leaving very soon. She has mixed feelings about it because leaving that stage meant leaving the security it gave her but also, it meant reaching out for her dreams in New York.

''You came.'', a soft voice interrupts her thoughts. Quinn Fabray enters the teather unsure of how things will turn out. Will she get the girl or not, will she at least have her friend in the end?

''Yes. I was surprised you called since you have been ignoring me.'', suddenly Rachel finds herself very angry at the blonde, ''Since Nationals Quinn, Graduation is tomorrow, what the hell is happening?''

''I know. I'm sorry. I was dealing with some stuff.''

''Dealing with some stuff.'', Rachel breathes, ''Couldn't you just tell me that? Give me an explanation?''

The blonde sighs as she stands in front of the brunette, ''No Rachel, because you would ask questions and it would have been extremely hard.''

''Well if my questions bother you so much why be my friend in the first place?'', the brunette realizes she is being a little dramatic but how can she not when the person she trusts most in the world and the girl she loves was hiding things from her and ignoring her?

''Rachel, stop.'', Quinn pleads.

''No. Not until you tell me what is going on.''

''Rachel I-'', the blonde starts but stops, she thinks about telling Rachel the truth, that she remembers, but then changes her mind and decides to do something spontaneous, something her heart is telling her to do. So when Rachel asks, ''What?'', her answer is a request: ''Can I sing you something? Please? Just give me one chance.''

The brunette is surprised by the question and only nods. ''Just listen to it carefully okay?'', Quinn makes her way to the piano and takes a deep breath. She didn't rehearse this; she didn't want to screw it up.

_Find me here,  
>And speak to me<br>I want to feel you  
>I need to hear you.<br>You are the light  
>That's leading me to the place<br>Where I'll find peace... Again._

_You are the strength  
>That keeps me walking<br>You are the hope  
>That keeps me trusting<br>You are the life  
>To my soul<br>You are my purpose  
>You're everything.<em>

_And how can I stand here with you  
>And not be moved by you?<br>Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?_

_You calm the storms  
>And you give me rest<br>You hold me in your hands  
>You won't let me fall<br>You steal my heart  
>And you take my breath away<br>Would you take me in  
>Take me deeper, now.<em>

_And how can I stand here with you  
>And not be moved by you<br>Would you tell me how could it be any better than this_

_And how can I stand here with you  
>And not be moved by you<br>Would you tell me how could it be any better than this._

_Cause you're all I want  
>You're all I need<br>You're everything, everything  
>You're all I want<br>You're all I need  
>You're everything, everything<br>You're all I want  
>You're all I need<br>You're everything, everything  
>You're all I want<br>You're all I need  
>Everything, everything.<em>

_And how can I stand here with you  
>And not be moved by you<br>Would you tell me how could it be any better than this_

_And how can I stand here with you  
>And not be moved by you<br>Would you tell me how could it be any better any better than this_

_And how can I stand here with you  
>And not be moved by you<br>Would you tell me how could it be any better than this  
>Would you tell me how could it be any better than this<em>

When she finishes and turns to face the brunette she realizes Rachel is crying so she runs to her and hugs her tight.

''What does that mean Quinn?" Rachel asks when they pull apart

''You know what it means. I told you so when you were about to marry Finn.''

The brunette's eyes widen, ''What- What?''

''Rachel, I remember.''

''Oh my God, you remember.''

Quinn chuckles at Rachel's face,''Yes.''

''Aren't you mad at me? For not telling you?''

''Okay, I will admit I was a little bit angry at first. But then how could I ever be really mad at you?''

Quinn reaches for the brunette's cheek and strokes it lightly, Rachel smiles, ''So now what?''

''Now, I tell you that I love you.''

''And I tell you that I love you too.''

''You do?''

''Did you really not know?''

''No, I hoped for it, but couldn't be sure.''

''Well, now you can. I love you Quinn Fabray.''

''No more than I love you Rachel Berry.''

Rachel turns red and rolls her eyes, ''Wow who knew you were such a sooftie.''

The blonde laughs, ''Shut up.'', before taking a step closer to the other girl and bringing their lips together.

x

The End.


End file.
